There are so many things I have to write about at the moment. As the end of ‘wet season’ comes to an end ( what a joke , I think it rained 5 times ?! ) the crocs up here in the topend are moving around more and can be found just about anywhere you turn. So there have been ‘ croc attacks’ ( one guy got bitten on the head apparently , but still survived to tell the NT news all about it another guy appeared on the front page last week after he was ‘attacked’ by a croc which was all of 1 meter long .. ) and heaps of croc sightings . But I have been too busy dealing with my own life threatening situations to think up witty blog posts to go with the above news stories.
It all started with this:
Now we don’t normally go around shooting snakes , but this bugger was headed for Chaos’s bed and the outside loo so he had to go . Luckily for us Maisy is more switched on than Chaos and went banana’s when she saw the snake. Chaos just kept snorin’ away in ignorant bliss …..
Unfortunately Maisy wasn’t so bright a few nights later when what I thought was a bikini string came to life on my kitchen floor
I had just put Marli down and walked into the kitchen on my way to the toilet. I noticed a shiny looking string on the tiles and thought it had come out of a dress or bikini top. But something made me stop when I went to pick it up. So I stood on the other side of the kitchen and threw random crap from the kitchen bench at it until it jumped and started slithering towards me with its head raised looking a tad bit pissed off ….. This is the point when I realized just because I live in the bush doesn’t mean I am any good at dealing with situations that involve venomous animals. So I ran outside in my knickers and called Dave who was never going to be able to help because he was on the other side of the country at a wedding. So I yelled at him for 5 minutes , hung up , called a girlfriend who had just finished a massive Sunday session and could not legally drive anywhere. Out of options I called the pub up the road and luckily for me the barmaid felt sorry for me and sent her boyfriend over to get rid of the snake ( which turned out to be called a Bandy Bandy ).
The boyfriend tried to remove the snake without killing it but by this stage it was well and truly pissed off and ended up getting decapitated.
Not even two weeks later my mother flew up to help out with Marli and after a shopping trip we were walking across the lawn when I noticed the stick I was about to step on had eyes …. My Mum was so brave , she grabbed a crow bar and smacked it over the back but we’re not sure if she killed it or not because it freaked out and headed for the garden bed … I haven’t seen it since …..
Since , as I explained in my last post , I am officially brain-dead due to pregnancy and extreme heat I have decided to entertain you all with my favorite headlines from the Northern Territory so far this year ….
First up , when watermelons can be dangerous ……
After arguing with the bus driver over the fare , the man was kicked off the bus but not before he smashed a watermelon over the bus driver’s head in front of his 4 kids who I’m guessing also missed out on the bus ride thanks to their awesome Dad …..
But the next day the bus driver had the last laugh !
Also on the subject of using food as weapons , a pensioner who had his parking skills criticized by a truck driver (who according to the NT news had commented “nice park cockhead “) lost the plot and threw his iced coffee at the bloke before laying into him with his fists . The pensioner was charged with assault after he contacted the truckies workplace to complain .. maybe he should have kept his mouth shut because he was the one who ended up in court with a 2 month suspended sentence ….
Maybe all this aggro is due to the extreme heat we have been dealing with for the last 5 months … I will leave you all with this article which justifies my laziness and the general public’s ‘Mango Madness’ …. We are goin’ troppo up here in the tropics !!!!!
I will be back soon with some more crazy Territory shizzle , hopefully we get a Croc story this week its been a while !
*Articles from http://www.ntnews.com.au
OK so lets just ignore the fact that I’m not very good at updating my crazy pics weekly and just appreciate the Australian Outback s version of Bikini Babes …
- Back Home for Christmas (gumnutkid.wordpress.com)
Dave and I went for a bush – bash in his ‘cruiser through our new property .. And came face to face with this goofy looking termite mound
Pic : Taken by us !
A saltwater crocodile takes on a helicopter – according to the website I found this on the crewman said to the pilot “Keep your doors closed , I think we have a problem !”
You think ??
Pic thanks to http://www.2dayfm.com.au
In true Territory style , the under 12 Litchfeild Bears Rugby team celebrated the fact they have made it to the semi finals this year with a pool party – and among the guests was a 11-year-old 2 meter long saltwater croc called Snappy. The kids had the time of their lives swimming with a real live croc who had his snout safely shut with rubber bands . Poor Snappy tried to hide in the deep end ( he must love under 12 rugby teams about as much as I do ..) but the kids were not going to let him get away easily , diving down and pushing the pissed off croc back up to the surface . According to one of the parents , the kids “loved it , everyone had big smiles on”…. well except Snappy who probably would have been smiling if those rubber bands slipped off his snout !!
Pic and info : http://www.ntnews.com.au
After about a month of being AWOL , the weekly crazy pics are back – and funnier than ever !!
As no stranger to the adult entertainment industry thanks to 2 years working in an office where my role was to sell strip shows , this does not shock me too much .. However anyone not familiar with the traditional bucks night antics ( In other words most chicks I know ) would probably find this story either completely inappropriate or fucking hilarious. I just think if you want to hire a girl to torpedo sex toys out of god knows where , you need to be prepared for where they might land ..
The story goes that this particular Darwin man was on his bucks night in Brisbane , Qld , where they hired a hotel room and then of course a stripper. This girl was doing her thing which was fine until she accidentally got her aim wrong and smacked the buck in the head with a 12cm pink dildo . The man was still scarred up when he got back to Darwin but holds no grudge towards the stripper who was just doing her job Yes it’s a whole other world in the adult industry but gee they come out with some funny stories !!
Pic and story references thanks to www.ntnews.com.au
If you were to believe the NT news that is ! I must admit where would this blog be without them ? Last week it was spa bathing buffalo , this week its a couch lovin’ pig !
As always when I arrive for work each morning at Hot 100 I collect the morning papers to hand out to all the freebie huntin’ masses of Darwin. I flick through the paper while I wait for the station to call for my location . Today when I got to page 3 I absolutley pissed myself laughing ….
This furniture lovin’ piggy was spotted yesterday in a suburb of Darwin having sex with an armchair in the middle of the road. Now this sort of thing happens all the time out in the bush , but Darwin is a ‘capital city’ as one witness told the paper ( calling Darwin a city might be going a little far – maybe one day but I’m pretty sure to be a city you need to have shitloads of people living there). Last year the NT news ran a story about Horny Harry , a pet pig living in the community of Gunbalanya , NT who had a loving relationship with wheelie bins and thinks he is a camp dog … Harry’s owner caught the piglet 2 or 3 years ago as a pet for his daughter. He maintains Harry is just an ordinary pig who sometimes knocks over bins . Another resident added in “yeah and then he fucks ‘em”. Charming !
Harry Trotter and his pack of adoring camp dogs PIC : MICHAEL FRANCHI www.ntnews.com.au
Todays front page of the NT News www.ntnews.com.au
The northern Territory is a magical place full of awesome landscapes , beautiful sunsets , golden opportunities and some fucking crazy animals.
The other day , a couple in Howard Springs , just south of Darwin , woke to find a water buffalo roaming around their property. Despite being pretty bloody dangerous , this buff seemed quiet tame and the lady of the house was able to pat the beast .. well until it started headbutting her as what she hoped was a sign of affection ….
After a while they had to head off to work and assumed the Buffalo had left the property by the time they arrived home.
They arrived home that evening to find the Buff had taken a fancy to their spa !
This seems to happen a lot up here , animals thinking that if its good enough for humans then they should get a go too . Earlier this year I wrote a post about a croc who broke into the living room of a Darwin based family and 2 years ago a croc was found in another family’s outdoor spa.
So the moral of the story is be very wary entering your home or your pool if you live in the Territory – you never know what might be lurking in there !