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Top Headlines So Far For 2013 ….


 

Since , as I explained in my last post , I am officially brain-dead due to pregnancy and extreme heat I have decided to entertain you all with my favorite headlines from the Northern Territory so far this year ….

First up , when watermelons can be dangerous ……

 

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After arguing with the bus driver over the fare , the man was kicked off the bus but not before he smashed a watermelon over the bus driver’s head in front of his 4 kids who I’m guessing also missed out on the bus ride thanks to their awesome Dad …..

 

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But the next day the bus driver had the last laugh !

 

Also on the subject of using food as weapons , a pensioner who had his parking skills criticized by a truck driver (who according to the NT news had commented “nice park cockhead “) lost the plot and threw his iced coffee at the bloke before laying into him with his fists . The pensioner was charged with assault after he contacted the truckies workplace to complain .. maybe he should have kept his mouth shut because he was the one who ended up in court with a 2 month suspended sentence ….

 

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Maybe all this aggro is due to the extreme heat we have been dealing with for the last 5 months … I will leave you all with this article which justifies my laziness and the general public’s ‘Mango Madness’ …. We are goin’ troppo up here in the tropics !!!!!

 

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I will be back soon with some more crazy Territory shizzle , hopefully we get a Croc story this week its been a while !

Xx Kel

*Articles from http://www.ntnews.com.au

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Categories: cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

They Probably Should of Checked the Pubs First …..


An old bloke by the name of Douglas Pyne went missing early Saturday morning , leaving the caravan park he lived in Howard Springs ( about 40 km from Darwin ) and announcing to everyone around that he was planning to walk to Palmerston. This is where I must add this old guy is actually 95 yrs old , Palmerston is a fair hike from Howard springs , and its between 25 and 30 degrees Celsius with no shade in that area … so this did concern locals who reported him missing … I’m not sure why , he had just told them where he was going …. but anyway after a day long search he turned up at the Wisdom bar and nightclub which is right in the heart of Darwin ( he obviously was very ambitious or someone has given him a lift as he well and truly bypassed Palmerston !). Another patron spotted him having a beer with his walking frame parked safely next to him and alerted police that he was safe and well. Cant a man go for a beer in peace ???? !!

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Source http://www.ntnews.com.au

 

Categories: Aussie pubs, Australian, cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, Only in the Territory, random, road trips, Travel, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Nudie Rudies , Talking Cats , Drunken Parrots and Dogs Driving Buses .. Its all here Today Folks


Hi guys today I am bringing you the top ten  craziest story’s I have heard and seen around the Territory.

1. First I have a video that was taken last year and supplied to the NT news. It shows a couple of Darwin lovers gettin it on the balcony of their apartment , providing entertainment for tourists and city workers below. Check it out …….

2. Staying on the topic of public nudity the Deputy Mayor of Palmerston was accused by two teenage girls of causing offense with his apparent ‘public nudity’. The guys name is Geoff Carter , 65yrs old , he is also the founding member of The Australian Army Band , Darwin. And is now publicly branded a pervert. The poor guy was in his own bedroom , probably getting dressed at the time .. but the fact it was made national news means he will forever be remembered as ‘The Naked Deputy Mayor”

Pic and news source http://www.ntnews.com

3. Former NT man Dr David Bowman made the ridiculous suggestion that we should introduce “Mega Fauna” AKA Elephants and other gigantic beasts into the Northern Territory and other outback areas to reduce the risk of fires caused by Gamba Grass , a type of grass that is so high Buffalo’s and cows cant reach it . This is stupid for a few reasons the main one being that it’s not really in the interest of public safety to have wild ‘Mega Beasts” roaming the streets….. Also , the cane toads were introduced here for similar reasons , now we cant get rid of them and they are more of a problem than a solution …. (source http://www.abc.net.au ).

Pic conservenature.org

4. A guy gets shot by his mate whilst being eaten by a saltwater croc .. yes that’s a true story although not as bad as it sounds. The 2 crocodile farm worker’s were collecting croc eggs from a remote NT station when one was attacked by a saltwater croc. The other guy grabbed a shotgun  aimed and fired at the crocodile  accidentally shooting his mate in the arm in the process. All ended well though , the croc let go and disappeared and after a few days it was work at usual for both men.

Zac Fitzgerald , the man who saved his mate in action at work: pic NT news

5. Drunken parrots are seen falling from the skies in the Darwin area every dry season. The birds are thought to be getting drunk after eating a mystery plant that then renders them unable to fly. For more on the drunken parrots check out this link

6. Woodley the dog had the ride of his life when he decided to take his masters double-decker bus for a ride in Darwin last year. A shop assistant passing by could not believe his eyes and quickly chased the bus down . He managed to pull the hand brake on before the bus hit a parked car. Woodley’s owner explained that the dog watches him put the handbrake on and off and was just copying him. Apparently this has happened before …. And I thought Chaos was alone ..

Pic http://www.thedailytelegraph.com

7. This little boy is in my opinion , a magician. I have no idea how he got into this vending machine but it took the Fire Brigade to get him out!

Pic: http://www.ntnews.com.au

8. This 5 legged cane toad was found by Dylan Wells, 11, of Berrimah and the 5th leg is attached to his chin .. makes me worry about drinking the water up here !

Pic http://www.ntnews.com

9. Last year one smart NT tradie handed himself into police after breaking into the Hidden Valley Tavern (coincidentally also where I work part-time ).  The reason the man handed himself in was because he recognized his bum crack on the cctv footage reported on the news. He was so drunk he cant remember the robbery. You can check out the footage here ..

10. This is the story that more crazy than anything else I have read in any newspaper. Ever.  Last year it was reported that there were concerns the Territory’s talking cat , Mischief, had been abducted by aliens. Yes Im deadly serious folks. Siberian air-traffic controllers claimed a female-sounding alien spoke to them in a cat-like language.  It turned out to be ok , Mischeif was safe and sound at home with his owners.

So there you have it folks – but this is not the end of my crazy tidbits from the Territory , I’m sure I will find ten more very soon …

Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, bush, cops, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, lifestyle, Machinery, Only in the Territory, random, Travel, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Aussie’s Gone Wild .. A TV star punches hotel staff in Miami & A Murderer is On The Loose


He is not a Territorian but I can’t help it , I have to give you the latest gossip on the train wreck who calls himself Matthew Newton. Best known for playing underworld hit man Terry Clarke in the Underbelly: Tale of Two Cities TV show , Matthew seems to fancy himself as a bit of a tough guy in real life – unfortunately for his girlfriends. ( Matthew has been charged with assault twice over the last few years both by former girlfriends of his).

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Matthew with one of his many assault victims , ex girlfriend and Transformers star Rachael Taylor

He has also been charged with assaulting a Taxi driver in Sydney and just last week refusing to leave a bar in Miami.

One of Matthew’s many mug shots ……

This time Matty did a Russell Crowe and spat the dummy over a hotel phone. He hit the hotel clerk who fell on the floor. Matt then lay down next to him , staring at the ceiling before rolling over and speaking to the employee (as seen on the surveillance camera – it isn’t reported publicly what he was saying).

Matthew was later arrested in his hotel room. Time to stop trying to act like a tough guy Matthew – your Dad is TV king Bert Newton .. you’re not foolin’ anybody !

Closer to home (too close in my opinion) we had a murderer on the loose this morning in Darwin. It was all they could talk about on the Radio at work this morning ( well that and Anzac Day). Last night a man was shot dead after he and his girlfriend were held hostage by gunman Matthew Vanko (seems to be a pattern here …). The woman managed to escape without getting hurt.

Until 8.30 this morning we were advised that: A CRAZY KILLER IS ON THE LOOSE ! DO NOT APPROACH ! HE IS ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS !!!!!

He handed himself in peacefully a 830 am. Crisis over people.

Categories: Australian, cops, Darwin, entertainment, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Pilot Texting whilst Flying, The Living Dead , A Rap Star That Cant Take the Heat and A Really Good Mate ….


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Well today’s copy of the NT news was a bloody good read !

First , we have a story relating to an incident that happened 2 years ago on a Darwin to Singapore Jet star flight . Apparently the First Officer tried to get his Captains attention twice to go through the landing checklist and getting no response he looked over to see his Captain texting away on his mobile phone.

The Captain tried to get out of this by saying that he was turning his phone off .. Yep sure buddy , we believe you …. Anyway as Captain Dickhead was so busy  “turning off”   his phone he neglected to lower the landing gear which is kinda essential when it comes to landing a plane. Luckily for the oblivious passengers the First Officer was able to call for a second landing attempt and everyone was safe .. phew !

Next up is the news that local actor David Gulpilil is actually NOT dead . The organizers of Australian TV Week Logie Awards included David in the In Memorial segment of the awards. No guys , David is not dead at all , in fact he is safe and sound in the Berrimah Correction Center after being sentenced to 5 months prison for breaking his wife’s arm. Before David ran into trouble with the law he starred in some awesome Aussie films such as Crocodile Dundee , Australia (with Nicole Kidman ) and Rabbit Proof Fence. He is another case of someone very talented being taken over by alcohol. Hopefully he gets his shit together this time 🙂

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David in 1985 chillin on Bondi beach pic: aasd.com.au

Another famous face was also in the paper today ,  American rap star Ice Cube came to Darwin this week performing for 880 concert goers on Tuesday night. Yep that’s right 880 – pretty crappy turnout if you ask me ! And the concert promoters must agree as they needed at least 3000 people to attend to break even.

Woops

Although bugger all people turned up Ice Cube didn’t seem to mind ( hey he gets his fee whether they show up or not ) and the big fella reckons he ll be back.

I don’t know , from the look of him in this pic I don’t think he can handle the heat … 😉

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The Ice Cube is starting to melt ….. Pic: http://www.ntnews.com.au

And the story that tops it all off ..

2 mates on their way from Tennant Creek to Darwin decided to make the trip a bit more interesting by stealing some grog while they stopped in at the Wayside Inn , Hayes Creek . They continued on their merry way drinking , driving , endangering innocent road users .. they somehow made it safely to Darwin .. well that is until they hit the suburb of Parap where the trouble started.

It turns out the passenger in the car decided it was a good time to confess to the driver of the car that he had been shagging his missus . The driver punched his mate in the head who retaliated by grabbing a metal steering lock and striking back. The passenger then jumped out of the car and ran away climbing over a 2 meter cyclone proof fence. The driver took off but after driving 50 meters up the road changed his mind , turned his car around and sped towards the fence knocking it down in the process. Driving over the fence he continued to speed towards his so-called mate , trying to run him over. Somehow (probably due to the excessive amounts of grog in his system ) he failed to hit his ‘friend’. He has been charged with recklessly endangering his mates life . His parents must be so proud.

Thank you to http://www.ntnews.com.au and http://www.news.com.au for the references 😉 x

Categories: Aussie pubs, bush, cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, humour, Only in the Territory, road trips, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Snake on a plane … the real life version


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A couple of days ago a Territory pilot flying over Darwin made a mayday call to the Darwin airport to report he had a snake chasing a tree frog around the cockpit of his tiny aircraft . He was forced to make an emergency landing with this snake crawling around his feet and popping in and out of various plane equipment – I tell ya this guy deserves a medal !

Anyway he managed to land safely at the Darwin Airport where he was met by airport security , firefighters (just in case the snake was also an arsonist ) and the Australian Federal Police , who were obviously there to charge the snake with boarding without a ticket .. I mean come on WTF ?? Its a snake people , not the Hells Angels !

After all the dramas they still have not managed to find either the snake or the tree frog despite extensive searching over the last few days – unfortunately for the airline the plane will remain on the ground until they do …

Categories: cops, Darwin, entertainment, humour, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Locals pull cops out of croc infested flood water


Locals to the rescue !

Two days ago it was reported in the NT news that the locals in Palumpa were flooded with croc infested waters with no evacuation assistance .. now the same locals that were left to fend for themselves just pulled a police vehicle out of a croc infested billabong ….

Photo source : http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: bush, cops, Darwin, entertainment, humour, lifestyle | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Only In the NT !!!


The previous post is related to this case covered by  http://www.ntnews.com.au  : A TERRITORY magistrate has been accused of opening “Pandora’s box” after dismissing an assault case because the man was on his first “acid” trip and wasn’t responsible for his actions.

James Kidd, 22, had assault charges against him dismissed in Darwin Magistrates Court because he was incoherent and not criminally responsible.

Magistrate John Lowndes used a unique part of the NT Criminal Code to find Kidd did not “act with the necessary mental elements” to be held accountable for his crime.

“In order to be criminally responsible there needs to be a marriage between the physical elements and the mental elements,” he said.

Dr Lowndes found that Kidd – who was on his first LSD trip and couldn’t remember attacking June Moffatt in her front yard – was not in his right mind.

Ms Moffatt, 52, said she fears this will become a precedent for future offenders to escape prosecution.

Article By : http://www.ntnews.com.au

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