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fire

Can’t Start A Fire Without A Spark ….


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Or Jiffys.

Or 3 newspapers and a can of petrol.

For a chick who spent two years living with Australia’s answer to Bear Grylls , my fire lighting skills are pretty pathetic. And up until now I didn’t really give a rats arse because I’ve either had electric heating or a boyfriend so I’ve never worried about getting a fire started. Now , however , I have moved into a riverside shack that gets quite cold in winter but comes with a cosy little fireplace. With no boyfriend in sight (I’ve had offers , don’t worry but I’m not into prison visits so I turned them all down) I have had to take matters into my own hands and start the bloody fire myself. I wouldn’t have thought it would be that difficult but I was wrong. Covered head to toe in ash ( I looked like a chimney sweep from the movie Mary Poppins) and swearing like a sailor, I finally got the fire burning.

Let me introduce you to Kel’s method of starting a fire.

 

Step one: Buy 2 packets of Jiffy fire starters , some chopped wood (if you are as useless as I am with a chainsaw then you will need to buy it from somewhere pre chopped ) 3 newspapers – not local , make sure you get a big , thick paper like the Herald Sun or The Daily Telegraph. Read it first if you have time  – may as well get your moneys worth.

Step two: Stack a couple of logs , both boxes of Jiffy’s and one and a half newspapers into the fireplace.

Step Three: Light the Jiffy’s and wait for the rest of the shit in the fireplace to catch on fire.

Step Four: Watch the Jiffy’s burn for fifteen minutes then extinguish without setting the rest of the crap on fire.

Step Five: Repeat steps 1,2 and 3 until the wood starts burning. If that fails, chuck some petrol* in there. Should do the trick….

*Follow these instructions at your own risk …I take absolutely no responsibility for anyone burning their house down or ending up in hospital…..

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Categories: Australian, bush, entertainment, fire, funny, Humor, humour, lifestyle, newspaper, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

V8 Utes in Darwin , Kim Jane and his Team Perform Mechanical Miracles while I Catch up With a Funny Bushman


I just had the best weekend in ages. Once a year the V8 Supercars and Utes come to Darwin for a 3 day event that brings people from all over the country. I was representing Kim Jane and his ute on the grid and in the pit lane.Kim Jane is the nephew of one of Australia’s biggest known race car drivers and the owner of one of the largest national tyre companies , Bob Jane.

I shall now proceed to tell you the story using pictures cos hey that’s heaps more interesting than reading a post where I try to describe anything to do with motor sports ( not my best subject !).

So Day one I had a photo shoot with the ute which was a bit of an on the spot thing – I had just arrived and next thing I know I’m climbing all over a ute . Fun !

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Picture by Wade Aunger and courtesy of V8 Supercars , Kim Jane & crew and TR Management & Promotions

After my shoot I did my first stint on the grid , where they make you hold a race flag , stare straight ahead and try to look pretty ( hard to do when your flag turns into a parachute ). The first one went well and I headed back to the pits to hand out promo gear . A little while later a familiar looking bloke and a young guy approached me with a camera. Now I don’t know if many of you have caught on , but I’m not shy. At all. In fact sometimes I can be a down right bloody show pony but I like to think in a good way – I love to make people laugh and tell a good story ! So when I saw the camera my first instinct wasn’t to run and hide. In fact I was like “hey how ya goin’ , what’s the camera for ?” . It turned out they were filming people around the track to put on the big screen so I did a little spiel for Kim Jane and the Bob Jane Tmart products for him on  camera. When that was done we started chatting away when I looked down at his name tag …. “OMG your Phil O’Brian , your my hero ! I love your shit ! Wow this is awesome , YOU inspired my blog !!” I think I nearly scared the poor bloke with my excitement but after .05 of a millisecond he recovered and we had more of a chat about the Territory , Gove , and his projects. We both agreed to catch up and have a beer and that made my day because c’mon , how many days do you meet one of your heroes and get them to agree to drink with you ?? Well for me its NEVER so I was stoked !

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One of his AWESOME books if you  like my blog even slightly then you will LOVE his adventures he is funny as fark !! You can buy it here 😉

So it wasn’t even lunchtime on the first day and I had been photographed climbing all over a ute in front of oh I don’t know a hundred people , had met at least 2 famous race car drivers and my very own hero !

Next I was told that the second round was ready to go and we had to get back on the grid. And this time it was being shown on live television. With me right up the front on my own , holding the V8 supercar ute flag . Great ! As I said , I’m not shy but the flags were hard to hold in the wind and who wants to look like a dickhead on national TV ?

This was result ….

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Pic credits same as first pic 🙂

That was pretty much it for Day one. Day 2 started off nicely with the wind not so bad I managed to hold onto my flag in the first round. Unfortunately things didn’t go so well for Kim. I wont tell you what happened , you can watch for your self ….

Vid uploaded by V8 utes Australia

He said afterwards he tried to turn the power off as he was getting out to prevent a fire – amazing forward thinking under pressure !

This is his ute afterwards

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That’s it race over right ?

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Wrong. We’re gonna fix this shit ! They had an hour to do it and they made it just in time. Craziest shit I’ve seen in a long time – next time my mechanic tells me to wait 2 or 3 days I’m going to tell him I know better !!!

He didn’t win in the end but he did win down at Perth and the Series is not over yet. It was a great experience meeting all of these awesome people and getting to see the other side of car racing.

By the way I can’t end this post without telling you that while Kim had no more drama’s in his next round , I had to have the bloody flag taken off me while I was ON THE GRID because it was literally about to take me on a trip to the sky !

So I’m gonna end this with 2 more happy snaps – the man who saved me and me pretending I won an award !

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My savior !

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Glammin’ it up at the V8 ute lounge

Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, bush, Darwin, entertainment, fire, funny, Humor, motor sports, Only in the Territory, Photography, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Forget Angry Birds , We Have Fire Birds !!!


 

This is a video clip I took when I was on the Adelaide River Cruise with my brother. As I mentioned in my last post  the Territory is home to a species of birds who like to spread fire by picking up burning twigs and dropping them in another area. Check out the commentary  , these birds really are cheeky little buggers …

 

Video taken by ME 🙂

Categories: Arnhem Land, Australian, birds, bush, entertainment, fire, funny, Only in the Territory, random, Travel, video, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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