lifestyle

New Project


Its been a while since I did something completely bat shit crazy , so I thought I’d better get on top of things.

Cant you just be happy with your life as it is and just relax and maybe save some money you ask ?

No. No I can not. Because that would be boring and I don’t do boring. Or sensible.

So , using my amazing decision making skills , I decided to buy a thousand year old clapped out campervan with half a floor which ,at this point, requires a small army to set up . Obviously thats not what I see when I look at it. In my mind the floor is fixed , the hydraulic system is in place and now I’m hanging curtains and sewing cushions like Martha fucking Stewart.

Its not going to be easy but thats where I bring in the ”çrew” which so far consists of my old boss , a self confessed ‘Plumber from Hell’ Tinky ,whose favourite word starts with C ends in T and you apparently cant say it in Canada  .  Thats it so far , but his daughter , who I work with at the Ettamogah pub , has volunteered to supervise  with me. Which is code for lets sit around , drink beer and do fuck all while Dad swears his head off.

Anyway here is what I’m dealing with …

 

Advertisements
Categories: cars, entertainment, lifestyle, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Can’t Start A Fire Without A Spark ….


image

 

 

Or Jiffys.

Or 3 newspapers and a can of petrol.

For a chick who spent two years living with Australia’s answer to Bear Grylls , my fire lighting skills are pretty pathetic. And up until now I didn’t really give a rats arse because I’ve either had electric heating or a boyfriend so I’ve never worried about getting a fire started. Now , however , I have moved into a riverside shack that gets quite cold in winter but comes with a cosy little fireplace. With no boyfriend in sight (I’ve had offers , don’t worry but I’m not into prison visits so I turned them all down) I have had to take matters into my own hands and start the bloody fire myself. I wouldn’t have thought it would be that difficult but I was wrong. Covered head to toe in ash ( I looked like a chimney sweep from the movie Mary Poppins) and swearing like a sailor, I finally got the fire burning.

Let me introduce you to Kel’s method of starting a fire.

 

Step one: Buy 2 packets of Jiffy fire starters , some chopped wood (if you are as useless as I am with a chainsaw then you will need to buy it from somewhere pre chopped ) 3 newspapers – not local , make sure you get a big , thick paper like the Herald Sun or The Daily Telegraph. Read it first if you have time  – may as well get your moneys worth.

Step two: Stack a couple of logs , both boxes of Jiffy’s and one and a half newspapers into the fireplace.

Step Three: Light the Jiffy’s and wait for the rest of the shit in the fireplace to catch on fire.

Step Four: Watch the Jiffy’s burn for fifteen minutes then extinguish without setting the rest of the crap on fire.

Step Five: Repeat steps 1,2 and 3 until the wood starts burning. If that fails, chuck some petrol* in there. Should do the trick….

*Follow these instructions at your own risk …I take absolutely no responsibility for anyone burning their house down or ending up in hospital…..

Categories: Australian, bush, entertainment, fire, funny, Humor, humour, lifestyle, newspaper, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beer – The Aussie Response In Most Situations ….


Image

Aussie’s are tough buggers. We are more likely to get pissed with our mates when we have a problem than talk about it with a counselor or seek medical attention. Take this bloke I was reading about today as an example. He gets bitten by a brown snake , only one of the top ten most venomous snakes in the country ( and probably the world) and instead of causing a fuss , he dials himself an ambulance and then kicks back with a beer. Apparently the only problem he had was a bad reaction to the anti venom the hospital gave him. Maybe they should have just poured beer on the wound instead …

Anyway , for all the gory details check out this link

Categories: animals, Australian, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, lifestyle, newspaper | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

A Love Story – Bush Style


24 months ago A bloke from Arnhem Land met a lass from the Gold Coast. After 2 weeks she flew home packed her bags and moved to one of the most remote parts of the world ( East Arnhem Land , NT Australia ). The young lass lasted about 3 months in this environment before realizing that she loves the bush – but she also loves shops , sealed roads and facilities such as the gym … and the pub. So they compromised. She would go to Darwin and go back to working as a ‘skimpy barmaid’ ( my favorite job in the world by the way – $60 an hr to do sweet F/A !) and he kept making roads in the bush. The result ? 12 months after they first hooked up they were the Northern Territory’s star couple. Last Valentines day they found themselves on the cover of Signature Living due to their ‘unique’ relationship ( the way they live is pretty much standard in mining and building industries so I’m not sure what was so ‘unique’ about it … )

Image

So it seems this time of year has a special meaning for us – we got together about 10 days after Valentines Day 2011 , we were made ‘ famous’ in February 2012 and now , this year we are expecting a baby any day now ( in fact the baby almost made an early entrance last week but that my friends is a story for another time ! )

I’m not with my big scruffy boy from the bush today but he has already given me the best present I could ever ask for – a family of my own 🙂

 

Categories: Arnhem Land, Australian, bush, entertainment, lifestyle, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Just Busy Crossing A Continent and Stuff ….


Last Tuesday the 13th of November I decided to go for a little drive to see my parents . 4 days later I got there .
I wrote a little while ago about not being able to find anywhere for Chaos and Mayhem to spend Christmas. I called every boarding kennel in town only to be told there was no room ( already this was starting to take on a Christmassy theme !! ) . So my next option was to try to get them on the plane with me as baggage ( I wouldn’t tell them that to their faces though .. ) This was possible to do but not at the price they were going to charge me … so my last option was to drive me and the two poochies down to Albury NSW myself – in a 93 model Suzuki Swift hatchback.

Making the best of a not so ideal situation I  entered us all in the Triple J / ABC Open Road Trip Relay which is taking place over summer Australia wide. Since I was driving through the middle of the Australian desert I had Queen of The Desert car stickers and T-shirts made up by an awesome company in Darwin called Gecko Signs  (you can check out their website here ) .

The day before I left I was contacted by Triple J and ABC to talk about my trip and they asked me to film some legs of my journey and edit it with a thing called time-lapse ( I can turn a computer on , type and even Google stuff but that my friends is as tech savvy as Kel gets .. ). So Dave stuck the camera on the dashboard for me with Velcro and I recorded the Stuart Highway from Katherine onwards until I ran into technical difficulties just past Coober Pedy and had to abort the mission. So for anyone who is interested , I have hours of fascinating footage of road , sky and desert.

I did however get some great stuff from the random roadhouses on the side of the lonely old Stuart Highway :

Posing with my old mate .. see if you can find me !

I wrote about this particular pub months ago in this post . I mentioned at the time it has the highest bar in the Northern Territory .. here is my ‘proof’

The highest bar in the Northern Territory

A service station at Wycliffe Well , UFO capital of Australia ( I kid you not )

Wycliffe well .. UFO capital of Australia

And in Stuart Well I found Dinky the Singing dingo who is also a very talented piano player – I have a video clip for you guys but this will be posted separately – this K9 deserves his very own post !!

*The article is about Donna the ‘hearing’ guide dingo being brought up to the NT ( by train .. she had her own seat ! ) to meet Dinky , the singing dingo .

We couldn’t resist getting into the fun and games at the last pub ( or the first depending on which direction you are headed ! ) in the Northern Territory ( Kulgera Roadhouse/pub/caravan park ) …

Chaos , Mayhem and Kel

I also met a few interesting characters on the way including a chap from Coober Pedy who was actually involved in shooting ‘ Priscilla , Queen of The Desert years ago when it was filmed in the outback . He loved my car and we have kept in touch via Facebook since. I also interviewed a young fellow from Mataranka for the Road Trip relay comp but after interviewing him I’m not quite sure he actually was a local .. thoughts that were pretty much confirmed as I ran into them at nearly every petrol station after Mataranka until I hit Port Augusta in South Australia . Oh well at least he pretended on film which is the main thing 😉

* My ‘stalkers’ outside a Coober Pedy servo.

Unlike the last time I crossed the country when I had to sleep in my troopy on the side of the road , this time around I booked hotel and caravan park accommodation along the way . Again the highlight was Coober Pedy where I slept in an ‘ underground camp site ‘ which was really just a motel bed in a cave :

There was also little cave like spots for people to pitch a tent for the night .. underground .. yep made no bloody sense to me either but apparently that’s how they roll in the desert ..

I thought this particular tent was a display of what it was like in the old days so I was snapping away happily at 630am until I heard a loud cough from inside the tent .. woops …

And finally the last pic of this little motel tour , the front entrance to our digs

This was my last night in the desert before I crossed over to NSW and Victoria , spending my last night on the road in a little town called Broken Hill. It was a great trip and the dogs did a great job of not pissing me off too much .. Chaos has been all over Australia ( except Western Australia and Tasmania ) but this was little Mayhem’s first trip anywhere .. she was a natural ..

* Maisie finds her comfort zone in the car.

In between naps she would climb up behind the back seat and launch herself kamikaze style at Chaos’s head . It kept them amused …..

Until next time !!

Cheers

Kel xx

Categories: animals, Aussie pubs, Australian, bush, cars, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, lifestyle, Photography, random, road trips, Travel, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Glutton for Punishment


Glutton for Punishment.

The Gumnut Kid

 

The latest news about the lil gumnut for anyone wanting to hear the crazy observations of a pregnant kel 😉 Xx ( also , baby bump pic woo hoo ! lol )

Categories: entertainment, humour, lifestyle, random | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

I Am Not The Animal Whisperer .. Can Someone Explain This to Them ???


Ahhhh real bush living , it doesn’t get much better than this . My new house is doing me the world of good , and I don’t regret moving out here at all .. Its just some things take more getting used to than others …

I have become the female Aussie version of Dr Dolittle . Indoors or outdoors every time I turn around a little non-human face is watching me. I have a house full of geckos , a toilet full of green tree frogs – and occasionally the odd spider , a possum or two in the roof and the biggest fattest cane toads in Australia. A few days ago I was walking  Chaos and spotted my first snake out here which was a bit ironic as I was walking through the nudist camp next door – my mother of all people was the first one to turn that story into a rude joke . I go to have a shower and there is usually a tree frog hiding under the taps ( I suspect as I am starting to look like a tree frog myself he may be perving on me …)

I don’t mind him apart from the fact he moves between the toilet and the shower which makes him a bit of a weirdo but at least he isn’t a toad …

The cane toads can always be relied upon to show up when you least expect it , like when you grab your shoe off the ground and a toad the size of Dave’s hand jumps out from underneath ( at 5am in the morning this is a better wake up call than coffee).

Apart from the nudist’s , my other neighbor’s are buffalo and walking around the block has never been so intimidating. They are apparently ‘tame’ but that doesn’t make me feel any better – just last week a Territory man was gored to death by his own pet bull. And they just stare at you – they make me feel like I’m the one with horns growing out of my head !

So I did what anyone would do when they are surrounded by animals – I got another one ! Introducing Mayhem …

* Little Maisy
Now there is a method to my madness , I bought Mayhem ( Maisy) to keep Chaos company because when this little Gumnut Kid gets here he will not be getting as much attention . I thought a friend would be the perfect solution – I was wrong. For the last few days he has been treating her as if she doesn’t exist. So I have 2 dogs that want my undivided attention instead of amusing each other !!! It will get better I have been told – apparently male dogs aren’t that interested in puppies so hopefully he’ll snap out of his attitude by the time the baby arrives.

I have to finish this post now as Maisy has just regurgitated earplugs all over the floor and I need to clean it up before she walks it through the house ….

Categories: animals, bush, funny, Humor, humour, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

My Little Gumnut


My Little Gumnut.

My new blog – I didn’t want to bore all my followers with baby talk so I created The Gumnut Kid – Kels gone bush is having a baby !!! So for any of you who would like to hear all about a 29 year lunatic who has been avoiding children all her adult life go through pregnancy for the first time please feel free to follow 🙂 Xx Kel

http://gumnutkid.wordpress.com/

 

Categories: bush, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments

Up The Stick In The Sticks …….. Pregnancy Bush Style


 

Hi Guys ! I have spent the last few days moving ….. to my dream house !! For those of you who have just started reading my blog , or may not remember I wrote a post in May about a house belonging to a mate of Dave’s which I fell in love with ( the house , not Dave’s mate !). I have reblogged the post so you can check out my new digs which actually is just out of Berry Springs , not Batchelor although Batchelor is just up the road 😉
The house is on 50 acres so I can be as loud as I like ! And I may as well make my second announcement now , we have lots of room for our new additions to play !! That s right , Dave and I are expecting our first rugrat ! And to keep Chaos happy we are also getting a puppy which Im thinking about naming Mayhem …. So the house will very soon become a bit of a circus but I couldn’t be happier with the way things have turned out although whoever said being pregnant is fun is an IDIOT – Or has not been pregnant in the Darwin September heat !

 

Kels Gone Bush

Last week my I went out to a small town called Batchelor which is near Litchfeild National Park  about 50km from Darwin. It is also near a town called Rum Jungle where my partner Dave reckon s he should live.

I love going out to Batchelor because it means I get to visit one of my favorite houses which belongs to a mate of Dave’s. The house was originally just a wooden frame with a tin roof and a few rocks here and there posing as walls . Since Dave’s mate bought it he has gathered more rocks and built the rest of the walls , cementing them in to give the place a cave like effect. Its awesome , I hope one day we can build something similar. Then again I change my mind every time I see a new house I like .. I guess I’m going…

View original post 363 more words

Categories: Australian, bush, entertainment, lifestyle, Photography | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Pool Party Is Not Complete Without a Saltie …….


Image

In true Territory style , the under 12 Litchfeild Bears Rugby team celebrated the fact they have made it to the semi finals this year with a pool party – and among the guests was a 11-year-old 2 meter long saltwater croc called Snappy.  The kids had the time of their lives swimming with a real live croc who had his snout safely shut with rubber bands . Poor Snappy tried to hide in the deep end ( he must love under 12 rugby teams about as much as I do ..) but the kids were not going to let him get away easily , diving down and pushing the pissed off croc back up to the surface . According to one of the parents , the kids “loved it , everyone had big smiles on”…. well except Snappy who probably would have been smiling if those rubber bands slipped off his snout !!

 

Pic and info : http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, News, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: