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Snakes On A Plane – Part 2 plus Skippy Might Look Cute And Cuddly – But He Can Fight Like A M*thaF*cka


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* The python that got caught on the wing of a plane leaving Cairns – the poor bugger didn’t make it 😦

Last year I wrote a post about a plane at Darwin Airport being hijacked by a snake , who had decided to take a tour of the cockpit. Apparently this is not an uncommon thing. Twice this year Quantas have discovered these reptile intruders hanging around their planes . The first time was a flight from the North Queensland town of Cairns , which is very similar in climate and wildlife to Darwin , so finding a Python on the plane was not as shocking as the second incident. Because the second incident happened in Sydney. Only the biggest city in Australia.  I mean , Cairns and Darwin are famous for this shit – it’s nothing to find crocodiles hanging out in swimming pools  or in your lounge room. In Darwin River I even had to share my shower with tree frogs , cane toads were a were always hiding under my shoes and don’t get me started on the bloody snake in the kitchen !

But this is Sydney people. What the hell was a snake doing hanging around Sydney airport ??? Anyway , whatever it was doing there it managed to get the flight cancelled and Quantas had to pay for 370 passengers to stay in motels then reschedule the flight all over a tiny snake that was about 20cm long (come to think of it , my kitchen snake was around the same size , but that thing was psychotic). 

Next up , for all of those people out there who go ‘Aw , a kangaroo , look how cute and cuddly he is !” Please read this article . The short story is these people live on a property near Grafton , NSW and their foster son was attacked in a matter of 2 minutes by a pissed-off kangaroo. The kid was lucky to survive because the roo would have been as big , if not bigger than him and the claws on those things could pretty much tear your guts out. Her husband had been attacked in the past , but standing over 6 ft tall , he was able to throw a few punches back and got away.

So you can add Kangaroo’s to the list of things that want to kill the shit out of you in good old Australia !

Here’s a funny clip that kinda shows you what the giant bunnies are actually capable of – and this guy was being nice !

Pic – smh.com.au

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Categories: animals, Australian, bush, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Feral Cats ?? Are You Sure They Aren’t Lions ??


In the latest news from Arnhem Land , NT special ” catting” dogs are being brought into Central Arnhem Land to combat the feral cat problem that is currently out of control in the area.

The cats , which look more like jungle cats , are growing up to 20kgs , and killing anything they can get their hands on. The Australian Wildlife Conservancy will provide special dogs which will chase the cats up trees so the rangers can tranquillize them and fit GPS collars on them to track them. Which means they are catching these cats and then releasing them BACK into the wild. I’m not sure what information they are hoping to get from this or how it will help. It seems pretty straightforward to me. They are a feral animal , a pest and a killer of native animals. They are all having far too much sex and way too many babies. So I would suggest culling them. Or we could catch every single cat and desex it I suppose … I mean come on what else are you going to do about it ?!

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Photo – http://www.news.com.au ( also on http://www.ntnews.com.au )

Story info from both http://www.news.com.au and http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: animals, Arnhem Land, bush, entertainment, News, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Darwin Awards ……


Today’s blog post is possible thanks to a good mate of mine who pointed out a news story from  last week that is waaaaaay to funny not to blog about …

As usual , this story has come from Darwin , Australia’s most laid back capital city. So laid back that instead of climbing up and down flights of stairs to unload a truck , the workmen decided to do this instead :

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Pic – http://www.news.com.au ( who pinched it off http://www.ntnews.com.au 😉 )

According to the NT News , who first reported the shenanigans on their Facebook page , when asked what was going on the answer was “the blokes got sick of going downstairs to the truck for stuff, so they brought the truck to the work site.” Fair enough. They dont call it the “Darwin Awards’ for nothing I suppose …

In other NT related news , Dave sent me a text telling me to check out the nine news Darwin website . I did and it was so awful I am not posting the video I saw on my site .. If anyone wants to see it click here . 

Basically it just shows footage of some blokes pig-hunting with a pack of dogs . The dogs were pulling the pig out of the water and one of the hunters was in the middle of the pack , in the water filming the whole thing when a MASSIVE saltwater croc jumped out of the water , passed behind the blokes back and snatched one of the dogs .. there was obviously nothing anyone could do and I found it pretty upsetting. What really baffled me though , was when one of the blokes was being interviewed and he said “There was no sign of crocs , it just came out of nowhere”. For someone who is supposed to be an experienced hunter living in the Territory , that is a pretty fucking stupid thing to say. You only have to live up north for a week to realize crocs could be ANYWHERE and of course you don’t see them , that’s their whole hunting tactic !!! They hide underwater until you get close enough then they eat you. Who the fuck doesn’t know that ? And these blokes were wading around in murky water in what looks like croc-ville and they were surprised to see a croc ? Must of just moved to Darwin the day before …

Anyway , again I warn people , crocodiles are everywhere in the topend of Australia , you can even find them in your lounge room. Never assume your safe and always check with locals before you get in the water …..

References : http://www.ntnews.com.au , news.com.au , http://www.ninemsn.com.au

 

Categories: animals, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Close Encounter


Holy shit guys ! I just had a gander at the latest news from the territory and what I saw gave me goosebumps …

Up until a month or two ago I lived in Darwin River which is about 5km away from Berry Springs , a popular swimming hole that I used a lot during summer last year. There is a waterfall part with a shallow rock-pool which is where I usually beached myself on a rock and then there is a deeper pool further along. I remember I only swam in that pool once for about a minute before I got that creepy vibe and swam back to the shallows. I have always hated swimming in water if I cant see what is underneath me so I just assumed I was being a weirdo  … Then earlier this year I decided to take Marli for a walk down in the park next to the creek. We were halfway around a 1km circuit when the track got swamp-like and streams of water were flowing across the path. An eerie feeling came over me and I  bolted down the track pushing the pram as fast as I could until I got back to dryer land. Again I just put it down to a paranoid mind and decided to give the walking track a miss until dry season.

It turns out I may not have been paranoid after all. The article I came across today reckons that on Saturday afternoon a group of teenage boys were snorkeling down in the lower pool of the springs when one of the boys saw a saltwater croc about 3 meters long slide into the water. The boys tried to warn other swimmers but most of them laughed it off thinking the boys were joking. Croc sightings in the Top End are no joke my advice to anyone reading this planning on going up for a visit , don’t swim in water that is not crystal clear , don’t swim alone and if someone tells you there is a croc in the water get the fuck outta there. Id rather look like a bit of an idiot than have my head ripped off by a giant lizard 😉

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Not my choice of swimming buddy …….

Pic – http://www.news.com.au

Original story thanks to http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: animals, Australian, bush, crocs, entertainment, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Despite The Name , Sometimes The Bush Really Pisses Me Off


There are so many things I have to write about at the moment. As the end of ‘wet season’ comes to an end ( what a joke , I think it rained 5 times ?! ) the crocs up here in the topend are moving around more and can be found just about anywhere you turn. So there have been ‘ croc attacks’ ( one guy got bitten on the head apparently , but still survived to tell the NT news all about it another guy appeared on the front page last week after he was ‘attacked’ by a croc which was all of 1 meter long ..  ) and  heaps of croc sightings . But I have been too busy dealing with my own life threatening situations to think up witty blog posts to go with the above news stories.

It all started with this:

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Now we don’t normally go around shooting snakes , but this bugger was headed for Chaos’s bed and the outside loo so he had to go . Luckily for us Maisy is more switched on than Chaos and went banana’s when she saw the snake. Chaos just kept snorin’ away in ignorant bliss …..

Unfortunately Maisy wasn’t so bright a few nights later when what I thought was a bikini string came to life on my kitchen floor

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I had just put Marli down and walked into the kitchen on my way to the toilet. I noticed a shiny looking string on the tiles and thought it had come out of a dress or bikini top. But something made me stop when I went to pick it up. So I stood on the other side of the kitchen and threw random crap from the kitchen bench at it until it jumped and started slithering towards me with its head raised looking a tad bit pissed off ….. This is the point when I realized just because I live in the bush doesn’t mean I am any good at dealing with situations that involve venomous animals. So I ran outside in my knickers and called Dave who was never going to be able to help because he was on the other side of the country at a wedding. So I yelled at him for 5 minutes , hung up , called a girlfriend who had just finished a massive Sunday session and could not legally drive anywhere. Out of options I called the pub up the road and luckily for me the barmaid felt sorry for me and sent her boyfriend over to get rid of the snake ( which turned out to be called a Bandy Bandy ).

The boyfriend tried to remove the snake without killing it but by this stage it was well and truly pissed off and ended up getting decapitated.

Not even two weeks later my mother flew up to help out with Marli and after a shopping trip we were walking across the lawn when I noticed the stick I was about to step on had eyes …. My Mum was so brave , she grabbed a crow bar and smacked it over the back but we’re not sure if she killed it or not because it freaked out and headed for the garden bed … I haven’t seen it since …..

Categories: animals, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Love Story – Bush Style


24 months ago A bloke from Arnhem Land met a lass from the Gold Coast. After 2 weeks she flew home packed her bags and moved to one of the most remote parts of the world ( East Arnhem Land , NT Australia ). The young lass lasted about 3 months in this environment before realizing that she loves the bush – but she also loves shops , sealed roads and facilities such as the gym … and the pub. So they compromised. She would go to Darwin and go back to working as a ‘skimpy barmaid’ ( my favorite job in the world by the way – $60 an hr to do sweet F/A !) and he kept making roads in the bush. The result ? 12 months after they first hooked up they were the Northern Territory’s star couple. Last Valentines day they found themselves on the cover of Signature Living due to their ‘unique’ relationship ( the way they live is pretty much standard in mining and building industries so I’m not sure what was so ‘unique’ about it … )

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So it seems this time of year has a special meaning for us – we got together about 10 days after Valentines Day 2011 , we were made ‘ famous’ in February 2012 and now , this year we are expecting a baby any day now ( in fact the baby almost made an early entrance last week but that my friends is a story for another time ! )

I’m not with my big scruffy boy from the bush today but he has already given me the best present I could ever ask for – a family of my own 🙂

 

Categories: Arnhem Land, Australian, bush, entertainment, lifestyle, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Reptile Kingdom Has a New King ……


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Today was a proud day for the Northern Territory. A day that I’m predicting will spark many , many arguments between North Queensland and the Top end of the Northern Territory. No it’s not the election , no one gives a rats arse about that , it is the news that Filipino croc Lolong has gone to crocodile heaven ( ew can you imagine that for a moment … nope not a happy place … ) and left ‘our’ Cassius (pictured) with the title of the Worlds Largest Croc in captivity. The fact that Cassius lives and has lived in Queensland since 1987 is not important to the Northern Territory. What is important is that it was here he was found chewing on boat propellers and other non appropriate food items before being shipped off to spend the rest of his life in a small swimming pool on Green Island , North Queensland. It will be interesting to see how the Queensland media responds to the NT laying claim to the croc they refer to as a ‘Queenslander’ – watch this space !

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Picture credit : Courier Mail ( Brisbane )

Top Picture credit http://www.news.com.au

 

Categories: animals, Australian, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, News, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Top Headlines So Far For 2013 ….


 

Since , as I explained in my last post , I am officially brain-dead due to pregnancy and extreme heat I have decided to entertain you all with my favorite headlines from the Northern Territory so far this year ….

First up , when watermelons can be dangerous ……

 

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After arguing with the bus driver over the fare , the man was kicked off the bus but not before he smashed a watermelon over the bus driver’s head in front of his 4 kids who I’m guessing also missed out on the bus ride thanks to their awesome Dad …..

 

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But the next day the bus driver had the last laugh !

 

Also on the subject of using food as weapons , a pensioner who had his parking skills criticized by a truck driver (who according to the NT news had commented “nice park cockhead “) lost the plot and threw his iced coffee at the bloke before laying into him with his fists . The pensioner was charged with assault after he contacted the truckies workplace to complain .. maybe he should have kept his mouth shut because he was the one who ended up in court with a 2 month suspended sentence ….

 

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Maybe all this aggro is due to the extreme heat we have been dealing with for the last 5 months … I will leave you all with this article which justifies my laziness and the general public’s ‘Mango Madness’ …. We are goin’ troppo up here in the tropics !!!!!

 

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I will be back soon with some more crazy Territory shizzle , hopefully we get a Croc story this week its been a while !

Xx Kel

*Articles from http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Pool Party Is Not Complete Without a Saltie …….


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In true Territory style , the under 12 Litchfeild Bears Rugby team celebrated the fact they have made it to the semi finals this year with a pool party – and among the guests was a 11-year-old 2 meter long saltwater croc called Snappy.  The kids had the time of their lives swimming with a real live croc who had his snout safely shut with rubber bands . Poor Snappy tried to hide in the deep end ( he must love under 12 rugby teams about as much as I do ..) but the kids were not going to let him get away easily , diving down and pushing the pissed off croc back up to the surface . According to one of the parents , the kids “loved it , everyone had big smiles on”…. well except Snappy who probably would have been smiling if those rubber bands slipped off his snout !!

 

Pic and info : http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, News, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Horny Hogs Terrorizing the Territory !!


If you were to believe the NT news that is ! I must admit where would this blog be without them ? Last week it was spa bathing buffalo , this week its a couch lovin’ pig !

As always when I arrive for work each morning at Hot 100 I collect the morning papers to hand out to all the freebie huntin’ masses of Darwin. I flick through the paper while I wait for the station to call for my location . Today when I got to page 3 I absolutley pissed myself laughing ….

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This furniture lovin’ piggy was spotted yesterday in a suburb of Darwin having sex with an armchair in the middle of the road. Now this sort of thing happens all the time out in the bush , but Darwin is a ‘capital city’ as one witness told the paper ( calling Darwin a city might be going a little far – maybe one day but I’m pretty sure to be a city you need to have shitloads of people living there). Last year the NT news ran a story about Horny Harry , a pet pig living in the community of Gunbalanya , NT who had a loving relationship with wheelie bins and thinks he is a camp dog … Harry’s owner caught the piglet 2 or 3 years ago as a pet for his daughter. He maintains Harry is just an ordinary pig who sometimes knocks over bins . Another resident added in “yeah and then he fucks ’em”. Charming !

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Harry Trotter and his pack of adoring camp dogs PIC : MICHAEL FRANCHI www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: bush, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, radio, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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