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Only in the Territory


The Australian Outback is full of hidden treasures .. The opal fields in Coober Pedy , the inland sea in South Australia , the waterfalls in Litchfield National Park …. Annnnnnnnd a penis shaped termite mound on the side of the Arnhem Highway

penis.jpegPic by NT News photographer Elise Derwin

You can read original story by NT News here

 

 

 

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Categories: Arnhem Land, bush, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Feral Cats ?? Are You Sure They Aren’t Lions ??


In the latest news from Arnhem Land , NT special ” catting” dogs are being brought into Central Arnhem Land to combat the feral cat problem that is currently out of control in the area.

The cats , which look more like jungle cats , are growing up to 20kgs , and killing anything they can get their hands on. The Australian Wildlife Conservancy will provide special dogs which will chase the cats up trees so the rangers can tranquillize them and fit GPS collars on them to track them. Which means they are catching these cats and then releasing them BACK into the wild. I’m not sure what information they are hoping to get from this or how it will help. It seems pretty straightforward to me. They are a feral animal , a pest and a killer of native animals. They are all having far too much sex and way too many babies. So I would suggest culling them. Or we could catch every single cat and desex it I suppose … I mean come on what else are you going to do about it ?!

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Photo – http://www.news.com.au ( also on http://www.ntnews.com.au )

Story info from both http://www.news.com.au and http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: animals, Arnhem Land, bush, entertainment, News, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Darwin Awards ……


Today’s blog post is possible thanks to a good mate of mine who pointed out a news story from  last week that is waaaaaay to funny not to blog about …

As usual , this story has come from Darwin , Australia’s most laid back capital city. So laid back that instead of climbing up and down flights of stairs to unload a truck , the workmen decided to do this instead :

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Pic – http://www.news.com.au ( who pinched it off http://www.ntnews.com.au 😉 )

According to the NT News , who first reported the shenanigans on their Facebook page , when asked what was going on the answer was “the blokes got sick of going downstairs to the truck for stuff, so they brought the truck to the work site.” Fair enough. They dont call it the “Darwin Awards’ for nothing I suppose …

In other NT related news , Dave sent me a text telling me to check out the nine news Darwin website . I did and it was so awful I am not posting the video I saw on my site .. If anyone wants to see it click here . 

Basically it just shows footage of some blokes pig-hunting with a pack of dogs . The dogs were pulling the pig out of the water and one of the hunters was in the middle of the pack , in the water filming the whole thing when a MASSIVE saltwater croc jumped out of the water , passed behind the blokes back and snatched one of the dogs .. there was obviously nothing anyone could do and I found it pretty upsetting. What really baffled me though , was when one of the blokes was being interviewed and he said “There was no sign of crocs , it just came out of nowhere”. For someone who is supposed to be an experienced hunter living in the Territory , that is a pretty fucking stupid thing to say. You only have to live up north for a week to realize crocs could be ANYWHERE and of course you don’t see them , that’s their whole hunting tactic !!! They hide underwater until you get close enough then they eat you. Who the fuck doesn’t know that ? And these blokes were wading around in murky water in what looks like croc-ville and they were surprised to see a croc ? Must of just moved to Darwin the day before …

Anyway , again I warn people , crocodiles are everywhere in the topend of Australia , you can even find them in your lounge room. Never assume your safe and always check with locals before you get in the water …..

References : http://www.ntnews.com.au , news.com.au , http://www.ninemsn.com.au

 

Categories: animals, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Close Encounter


Holy shit guys ! I just had a gander at the latest news from the territory and what I saw gave me goosebumps …

Up until a month or two ago I lived in Darwin River which is about 5km away from Berry Springs , a popular swimming hole that I used a lot during summer last year. There is a waterfall part with a shallow rock-pool which is where I usually beached myself on a rock and then there is a deeper pool further along. I remember I only swam in that pool once for about a minute before I got that creepy vibe and swam back to the shallows. I have always hated swimming in water if I cant see what is underneath me so I just assumed I was being a weirdo  … Then earlier this year I decided to take Marli for a walk down in the park next to the creek. We were halfway around a 1km circuit when the track got swamp-like and streams of water were flowing across the path. An eerie feeling came over me and I  bolted down the track pushing the pram as fast as I could until I got back to dryer land. Again I just put it down to a paranoid mind and decided to give the walking track a miss until dry season.

It turns out I may not have been paranoid after all. The article I came across today reckons that on Saturday afternoon a group of teenage boys were snorkeling down in the lower pool of the springs when one of the boys saw a saltwater croc about 3 meters long slide into the water. The boys tried to warn other swimmers but most of them laughed it off thinking the boys were joking. Croc sightings in the Top End are no joke my advice to anyone reading this planning on going up for a visit , don’t swim in water that is not crystal clear , don’t swim alone and if someone tells you there is a croc in the water get the fuck outta there. Id rather look like a bit of an idiot than have my head ripped off by a giant lizard 😉

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Not my choice of swimming buddy …….

Pic – http://www.news.com.au

Original story thanks to http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: animals, Australian, bush, crocs, entertainment, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Dirty Jobs Comes to Arnhem Land !!


Mike and his team braved ‘dangerous roads’ to get to a small community on a place called Blue Mud Bay ( Dave’s stomping ground , or so he tells me ! )
Anyway , I was in stitches because these guys were taken out to learn traditional Aboriginal hunting and fishing skills – and had no idea what the hell was going on half the time . This is mostly due to the fact that they couldn’t understand the local lingo , but also because when you go out bush you don’t exactly stick to a set schedule – something Mike seemed to have difficulty with .. ( hey try travelling with Dave , you think your headed to Sydney and you end up in Perth hahaha ). Anyway here is a small clip from You Tube and some links to the full episode on the Discovery Channel . If you have time check it out its great viewing 🙂

http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/dirty-jobs/videos/stingray-special.htm

 

Categories: animals, Arnhem Land, Australian, bush, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, Only in the Territory, Travel, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Despite The Name , Sometimes The Bush Really Pisses Me Off


There are so many things I have to write about at the moment. As the end of ‘wet season’ comes to an end ( what a joke , I think it rained 5 times ?! ) the crocs up here in the topend are moving around more and can be found just about anywhere you turn. So there have been ‘ croc attacks’ ( one guy got bitten on the head apparently , but still survived to tell the NT news all about it another guy appeared on the front page last week after he was ‘attacked’ by a croc which was all of 1 meter long ..  ) and  heaps of croc sightings . But I have been too busy dealing with my own life threatening situations to think up witty blog posts to go with the above news stories.

It all started with this:

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Now we don’t normally go around shooting snakes , but this bugger was headed for Chaos’s bed and the outside loo so he had to go . Luckily for us Maisy is more switched on than Chaos and went banana’s when she saw the snake. Chaos just kept snorin’ away in ignorant bliss …..

Unfortunately Maisy wasn’t so bright a few nights later when what I thought was a bikini string came to life on my kitchen floor

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I had just put Marli down and walked into the kitchen on my way to the toilet. I noticed a shiny looking string on the tiles and thought it had come out of a dress or bikini top. But something made me stop when I went to pick it up. So I stood on the other side of the kitchen and threw random crap from the kitchen bench at it until it jumped and started slithering towards me with its head raised looking a tad bit pissed off ….. This is the point when I realized just because I live in the bush doesn’t mean I am any good at dealing with situations that involve venomous animals. So I ran outside in my knickers and called Dave who was never going to be able to help because he was on the other side of the country at a wedding. So I yelled at him for 5 minutes , hung up , called a girlfriend who had just finished a massive Sunday session and could not legally drive anywhere. Out of options I called the pub up the road and luckily for me the barmaid felt sorry for me and sent her boyfriend over to get rid of the snake ( which turned out to be called a Bandy Bandy ).

The boyfriend tried to remove the snake without killing it but by this stage it was well and truly pissed off and ended up getting decapitated.

Not even two weeks later my mother flew up to help out with Marli and after a shopping trip we were walking across the lawn when I noticed the stick I was about to step on had eyes …. My Mum was so brave , she grabbed a crow bar and smacked it over the back but we’re not sure if she killed it or not because it freaked out and headed for the garden bed … I haven’t seen it since …..

Categories: animals, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Love Story – Bush Style


24 months ago A bloke from Arnhem Land met a lass from the Gold Coast. After 2 weeks she flew home packed her bags and moved to one of the most remote parts of the world ( East Arnhem Land , NT Australia ). The young lass lasted about 3 months in this environment before realizing that she loves the bush – but she also loves shops , sealed roads and facilities such as the gym … and the pub. So they compromised. She would go to Darwin and go back to working as a ‘skimpy barmaid’ ( my favorite job in the world by the way – $60 an hr to do sweet F/A !) and he kept making roads in the bush. The result ? 12 months after they first hooked up they were the Northern Territory’s star couple. Last Valentines day they found themselves on the cover of Signature Living due to their ‘unique’ relationship ( the way they live is pretty much standard in mining and building industries so I’m not sure what was so ‘unique’ about it … )

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So it seems this time of year has a special meaning for us – we got together about 10 days after Valentines Day 2011 , we were made ‘ famous’ in February 2012 and now , this year we are expecting a baby any day now ( in fact the baby almost made an early entrance last week but that my friends is a story for another time ! )

I’m not with my big scruffy boy from the bush today but he has already given me the best present I could ever ask for – a family of my own 🙂

 

Categories: Arnhem Land, Australian, bush, entertainment, lifestyle, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Reptile Kingdom Has a New King ……


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Today was a proud day for the Northern Territory. A day that I’m predicting will spark many , many arguments between North Queensland and the Top end of the Northern Territory. No it’s not the election , no one gives a rats arse about that , it is the news that Filipino croc Lolong has gone to crocodile heaven ( ew can you imagine that for a moment … nope not a happy place … ) and left ‘our’ Cassius (pictured) with the title of the Worlds Largest Croc in captivity. The fact that Cassius lives and has lived in Queensland since 1987 is not important to the Northern Territory. What is important is that it was here he was found chewing on boat propellers and other non appropriate food items before being shipped off to spend the rest of his life in a small swimming pool on Green Island , North Queensland. It will be interesting to see how the Queensland media responds to the NT laying claim to the croc they refer to as a ‘Queenslander’ – watch this space !

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Picture credit : Courier Mail ( Brisbane )

Top Picture credit http://www.news.com.au

 

Categories: animals, Australian, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, News, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Top Headlines So Far For 2013 ….


 

Since , as I explained in my last post , I am officially brain-dead due to pregnancy and extreme heat I have decided to entertain you all with my favorite headlines from the Northern Territory so far this year ….

First up , when watermelons can be dangerous ……

 

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After arguing with the bus driver over the fare , the man was kicked off the bus but not before he smashed a watermelon over the bus driver’s head in front of his 4 kids who I’m guessing also missed out on the bus ride thanks to their awesome Dad …..

 

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But the next day the bus driver had the last laugh !

 

Also on the subject of using food as weapons , a pensioner who had his parking skills criticized by a truck driver (who according to the NT news had commented “nice park cockhead “) lost the plot and threw his iced coffee at the bloke before laying into him with his fists . The pensioner was charged with assault after he contacted the truckies workplace to complain .. maybe he should have kept his mouth shut because he was the one who ended up in court with a 2 month suspended sentence ….

 

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Maybe all this aggro is due to the extreme heat we have been dealing with for the last 5 months … I will leave you all with this article which justifies my laziness and the general public’s ‘Mango Madness’ …. We are goin’ troppo up here in the tropics !!!!!

 

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I will be back soon with some more crazy Territory shizzle , hopefully we get a Croc story this week its been a while !

Xx Kel

*Articles from http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Christmas in the City


I have been out of the ‘bush’ for 6 weeks now .. and still hate the traffic !! I arrived in Melbourne over a week ago to start the Christmas celebrations with my family(s) . Over a week and a half we celebrate with 3 Christmas dinners – I’m going to look like a stuffed Turkey by New Years Eve !! As I haven’t been in the Territory for 6 weeks I haven’t had much to report on Kels Gone Bush but I can tell you if you are trying to get in or out of East Arnhem Land this week you will have to take a boat with you just in case !! Yep it is officially wet season and the rains are a comin !! Dave was supposed to hit Darwin last night after leaving Gove NT yesterday in our land cruiser ute with his tinny on the back. I received a frantic call from one of his mates this morning , who told me that Dave had called him at 1am from the satellite phone and before he could figure out what Dave was saying the phone died. Awesome news when you are in Melbourne and can do absolutely nothing about the situation ! After calling the bush police and sending a few Facebook messages to locals in Gove we finally heard from him at 2pm as he was arriving in Katherine NT. He thought we were both bloody idiots for worrying but even though he is one of the most capable males I have met , he is still human and those river crossings are not the safest in Australia – if only because of the flash flooding and oodles of crocodiles !! Any-hoo he made it out alive which is all I care about at this point.

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* Taken on the central Arnhem Hwy last year for the NT News http://www.ntnews.com.au

I will be flying back to the Territory on Boxing day and cant wait to bring you all another year of crazy sh*t from the outback 😉 I have big plans for Kels Gone Bush next year and am hoping that the baby motivates me more than stops me from carrying them out.  Until then I wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas , and a safe one … Bring on 2013 it is going to be even bigger and better !!!! Love to everyone Xx Kel

Categories: boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, newspaper, Only in the Territory, road trips | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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