Advertisements

Posts Tagged With: Darwin Northern Territory

Skimpy : Outrageous Trues Tales of Crocodiles , Snakes and Pulling Beers in the Topend


The ebook cover

The ebook cover

Its official ! My baby , my book , my life for the last two years is FINALLY being released this July , 28 2015 by Hachette Australia . It will be available as an eBook AND print pretty much anywhere and everywhere you can buy books in Australia or online.

Regular followers of Kels Gone Bush might also notice I have changed my blog’s appearance to a more ‘gone bush’ style theme. I though with the release of my book I;d give it a bit of a makeover .. Hope ya’ll like it !

Ill be updating a lot more now Im done and dusted with ‘Skimpy’. As well as releasing the book at the end of July , I will be embarking on a massive road trip via the Stuart Highway ( again !) from Darwin to Port Augusta then across NSW and back up the QLD coast to Cairns as part of my book promotion. Ill be blogging and Vlogging the entire trip – Cannot bloody wait !!

Finally , to all of my WordPress buddies who have been with me since 2012 – thanks for your encouragement and support !! 3 years ago I would never have dreamed this could be possible !!

Advertisements
Categories: entertainment | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Darwin Awards ……


Today’s blog post is possible thanks to a good mate of mine who pointed out a news story from  last week that is waaaaaay to funny not to blog about …

As usual , this story has come from Darwin , Australia’s most laid back capital city. So laid back that instead of climbing up and down flights of stairs to unload a truck , the workmen decided to do this instead :

Image

Pic – http://www.news.com.au ( who pinched it off http://www.ntnews.com.au 😉 )

According to the NT News , who first reported the shenanigans on their Facebook page , when asked what was going on the answer was “the blokes got sick of going downstairs to the truck for stuff, so they brought the truck to the work site.” Fair enough. They dont call it the “Darwin Awards’ for nothing I suppose …

In other NT related news , Dave sent me a text telling me to check out the nine news Darwin website . I did and it was so awful I am not posting the video I saw on my site .. If anyone wants to see it click here . 

Basically it just shows footage of some blokes pig-hunting with a pack of dogs . The dogs were pulling the pig out of the water and one of the hunters was in the middle of the pack , in the water filming the whole thing when a MASSIVE saltwater croc jumped out of the water , passed behind the blokes back and snatched one of the dogs .. there was obviously nothing anyone could do and I found it pretty upsetting. What really baffled me though , was when one of the blokes was being interviewed and he said “There was no sign of crocs , it just came out of nowhere”. For someone who is supposed to be an experienced hunter living in the Territory , that is a pretty fucking stupid thing to say. You only have to live up north for a week to realize crocs could be ANYWHERE and of course you don’t see them , that’s their whole hunting tactic !!! They hide underwater until you get close enough then they eat you. Who the fuck doesn’t know that ? And these blokes were wading around in murky water in what looks like croc-ville and they were surprised to see a croc ? Must of just moved to Darwin the day before …

Anyway , again I warn people , crocodiles are everywhere in the topend of Australia , you can even find them in your lounge room. Never assume your safe and always check with locals before you get in the water …..

References : http://www.ntnews.com.au , news.com.au , http://www.ninemsn.com.au

 

Categories: animals, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Christmas in the City


I have been out of the ‘bush’ for 6 weeks now .. and still hate the traffic !! I arrived in Melbourne over a week ago to start the Christmas celebrations with my family(s) . Over a week and a half we celebrate with 3 Christmas dinners – I’m going to look like a stuffed Turkey by New Years Eve !! As I haven’t been in the Territory for 6 weeks I haven’t had much to report on Kels Gone Bush but I can tell you if you are trying to get in or out of East Arnhem Land this week you will have to take a boat with you just in case !! Yep it is officially wet season and the rains are a comin !! Dave was supposed to hit Darwin last night after leaving Gove NT yesterday in our land cruiser ute with his tinny on the back. I received a frantic call from one of his mates this morning , who told me that Dave had called him at 1am from the satellite phone and before he could figure out what Dave was saying the phone died. Awesome news when you are in Melbourne and can do absolutely nothing about the situation ! After calling the bush police and sending a few Facebook messages to locals in Gove we finally heard from him at 2pm as he was arriving in Katherine NT. He thought we were both bloody idiots for worrying but even though he is one of the most capable males I have met , he is still human and those river crossings are not the safest in Australia – if only because of the flash flooding and oodles of crocodiles !! Any-hoo he made it out alive which is all I care about at this point.

Image

* Taken on the central Arnhem Hwy last year for the NT News http://www.ntnews.com.au

I will be flying back to the Territory on Boxing day and cant wait to bring you all another year of crazy sh*t from the outback 😉 I have big plans for Kels Gone Bush next year and am hoping that the baby motivates me more than stops me from carrying them out.  Until then I wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas , and a safe one … Bring on 2013 it is going to be even bigger and better !!!! Love to everyone Xx Kel

Categories: boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, newspaper, Only in the Territory, road trips | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Pool Party Is Not Complete Without a Saltie …….


Image

In true Territory style , the under 12 Litchfeild Bears Rugby team celebrated the fact they have made it to the semi finals this year with a pool party – and among the guests was a 11-year-old 2 meter long saltwater croc called Snappy.  The kids had the time of their lives swimming with a real live croc who had his snout safely shut with rubber bands . Poor Snappy tried to hide in the deep end ( he must love under 12 rugby teams about as much as I do ..) but the kids were not going to let him get away easily , diving down and pushing the pissed off croc back up to the surface . According to one of the parents , the kids “loved it , everyone had big smiles on”…. well except Snappy who probably would have been smiling if those rubber bands slipped off his snout !!

 

Pic and info : http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, News, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Crazy Pic of The Week – Yes It Returns !!!


After about a month of being AWOL , the weekly crazy pics are back – and funnier than ever !!

Image

As no stranger to the adult entertainment industry thanks to 2 years working in an office where my role was to sell strip shows , this does not shock me too much .. However anyone not familiar with the traditional bucks night antics ( In other words most chicks I know ) would probably find this story either completely inappropriate or fucking hilarious.  I just think if you want to hire a girl to torpedo sex toys out of god knows where , you need to be prepared for where they might land ..

The story goes that this particular Darwin man was on his bucks night in Brisbane , Qld , where they hired a hotel room and then of course a stripper. This girl was doing her thing which was fine until she accidentally got her aim wrong and smacked the buck in the head with a 12cm pink dildo . The man was still scarred up when he got back to Darwin but holds no grudge towards the stripper who was just doing her job 😉 Yes it’s a whole other world in the adult industry but gee they come out with some funny stories !!

Pic and story references thanks to www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: entertainment, funny, Humor, newspaper, Photography, strippers, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Horny Hogs Terrorizing the Territory !!


If you were to believe the NT news that is ! I must admit where would this blog be without them ? Last week it was spa bathing buffalo , this week its a couch lovin’ pig !

As always when I arrive for work each morning at Hot 100 I collect the morning papers to hand out to all the freebie huntin’ masses of Darwin. I flick through the paper while I wait for the station to call for my location . Today when I got to page 3 I absolutley pissed myself laughing ….

Image

This furniture lovin’ piggy was spotted yesterday in a suburb of Darwin having sex with an armchair in the middle of the road. Now this sort of thing happens all the time out in the bush , but Darwin is a ‘capital city’ as one witness told the paper ( calling Darwin a city might be going a little far – maybe one day but I’m pretty sure to be a city you need to have shitloads of people living there). Last year the NT news ran a story about Horny Harry , a pet pig living in the community of Gunbalanya , NT who had a loving relationship with wheelie bins and thinks he is a camp dog … Harry’s owner caught the piglet 2 or 3 years ago as a pet for his daughter. He maintains Harry is just an ordinary pig who sometimes knocks over bins . Another resident added in “yeah and then he fucks ’em”. Charming !

Image

Harry Trotter and his pack of adoring camp dogs PIC : MICHAEL FRANCHI www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: bush, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, radio, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Wildlife Around Here Are Starting To Get A Bit Fancy …..


Image

Todays front page of the NT News www.ntnews.com.au

The northern Territory is a magical place full of awesome landscapes , beautiful sunsets , golden opportunities and some fucking crazy animals.

The other day , a couple in Howard Springs , just south of Darwin , woke to find a water buffalo roaming around their property. Despite being pretty bloody dangerous , this buff seemed quiet tame and the lady of the house was able to pat the beast .. well until it started headbutting her as what she hoped was a sign of affection ….

After a while they had to head off to work and assumed the Buffalo had left the property by the time they arrived home.

Wrong.

They arrived home that evening to find the Buff had taken a fancy to their spa !

This seems to happen a lot up here , animals thinking that if its good enough for humans then they should get a go too . Earlier this year I wrote a post about a croc who broke into the living room of a Darwin based family and 2 years ago a croc was found in another family’s outdoor spa.

So the moral of the story is be very wary entering your home or your pool if you live in the Territory – you never know what might be lurking in there !

Categories: Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

I Have Been MIA – Sorry Guys , Here is My Excuse Note !!


Hello my long-lost fellow blogger’s ! 🙂 I have been a very slack girl in the blogging world lately and feel I owe it to you all (again!) to explain why .

First of all my two mates from WA arrived a week ago and I have been playing tour guide again. We have been to all the hotspots such as Litchfeild National Park and a few pubs on Mitchell street ( can’t remember which ones , the girls were feeding me double vodka’s … ). After a great recommendation by my mate Phil O’brian  Monday and Tuesday saw us soaking up the awesome landscape and serenity on this really cool houseboat

Image

We floated along the Mary River for 2 days on this bad boy and I know you all wont believe me but I have NEVER seen so many crocodiles IN MY LIFE !! No shit there was one every 20 meters along the bank. The girls made a Kels Gone Bush video for my You tube and blog so I wont go into more detail lets just say you’ll find it quite amusing .. I did kind of take the piss out of the show Swamp People .. and made my first bush tucker recipe for you all to enjoy woo hoo !

As well as all this excitement I have just started my new company and website http://www.instyleeventsandpromotions.com for anyone who wants a gander ….. This has been taking up most of my spare time and if you do check out the site you will see I still have stacks of work to do .. but I’m getting there !

So I hope you will all excuse me for my absence – Dave and the girls fly out Sunday so I will be back in fine form next week to block out the pangs of loneliness I will no doubt experience come Sunday night ! At least I still have my blogging fam to catch up on 😉 I cant wait to sit down and read all of my favorite blogs for 4 hrs solid !!

Before I go I would just like to ask am I the only one that has a thousand awesome ideas a day but absolutely no time to ever pull them off ??? Maybe I should sell them 😉

I’ll be back sooooooon !

Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, road trips, Travel, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Showing the Bro How its Done Territory Style …


Recently my favorite-only-brother came up to visit me. It was his first Darwin experience so I took it upon myself to be his personal tour guide. First on the agenda was a trip to the Adelaide river where we took a cruise to check out the Jumping Crocs

Todd with his first croc ….

Image

This one was a bit more active 😉

Image

Check out the “jumpin croc dance”

Image

Moving on from crocodiles which to be honest is a relief as they are all I have had to write about lately !!

A few days after the croc cruise we headed off to spend the night at the Bark Hut Inn which is famous for being made pretty much entirely out of bark ( who’d of thunk it ????). It was built in the early days by this old guy called Terry Baldwin and a bunch of local Aboriginal people . Its history revolves around the buffalo industry and it remains pretty much the same today as it was back then which is why I love the place.

The pub also, like a lot of NT pubs, has a little hobby farm where you can find emu’s , snakes , buffalo , and a shitload of ducks. Here are a few pics of our trip to the Bark Hut including our roadside antics …..

On the drive to the pub we had to get through this massive cloud of smoke which was so thick I couldn’t see the road . It was the result of a burn off which is normal here as burning the grass controls bush fires (weird I know). The birds you can see in the pic are cheeky little shits and pick up burning sticks , dropping them somewhere else to start another fire .. so you need to watch those buggers !!!

Image

It took this pig a while to struggle to her feet but she made it eventually !! This was taken at the Corroboree Pub/Caravan park/Service station/General store …..

Image

We then decided to show off with the only fish we caught on this trip !! Check out the little girl below us , she ran in to pose with us and changed her mind at the last minute . I have no idea who she is.

Image

Yay we made it !! Out the front of the Bark Hut

Image

We are now officially in buffalo territory .. watch out after dark !!!

Image

The only safe way to drink and drive is to do it in a car with no motor 😉 This is an old buffalo hunting car. I had to kick 2 little kids off to get this pic I hope you guys appreciate my effort !!!

Image

All my brother wanted to eat was road kill

Image

This snake was drinking water before I interrupted it – looks pissed off !!

Image

What every Aussie bar should look like ! I bloody love this place !!!

Image

Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Daly River Swimming Club


I was supposed to update you guys about my Adelaide River cruise but that will have to wait till tomorrow as this story is gold 😉

A week or so ago 2 men found themselves in a very undesirable situation. They were fishing in the Daly River , NT not far from Darwin when the little fishing boat they were in capsized. They were stuck clinging on to the boat which they could not flip back over for 20 minutes before being rescued. Not such a bad situation except for the fact the Daly is home to some bloody big crocs .

Image

Croc caught in the Daly river late last year , pic NTnew.com.au

In fact at first these blokes were under the impression that the boat capsized due to hitting a log .. well it turns out that log may of  been a 3.5 meter Salt water croc who after the incident was found badly injured further up the river. It was shot by the police ( yay a win for us ! these crocs have been taking local pets lately , I want them gone !!).

After being rescued by local fisho’s the two men were awarded lifetime member ships to the Daly River Swimming Club – the only club in the world no one actually wants to be a part of !!

Image

Keith Hollingworth and John Hotchkis – pic http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: Australian, boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: