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Posts Tagged With: humor

Crazy Pic of The Week – Yes It Returns !!!


After about a month of being AWOL , the weekly crazy pics are back – and funnier than ever !!

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As no stranger to the adult entertainment industry thanks to 2 years working in an office where my role was to sell strip shows , this does not shock me too much .. However anyone not familiar with the traditional bucks night antics ( In other words most chicks I know ) would probably find this story either completely inappropriate or fucking hilarious.  I just think if you want to hire a girl to torpedo sex toys out of god knows where , you need to be prepared for where they might land ..

The story goes that this particular Darwin man was on his bucks night in Brisbane , Qld , where they hired a hotel room and then of course a stripper. This girl was doing her thing which was fine until she accidentally got her aim wrong and smacked the buck in the head with a 12cm pink dildo . The man was still scarred up when he got back to Darwin but holds no grudge towards the stripper who was just doing her job 😉 Yes it’s a whole other world in the adult industry but gee they come out with some funny stories !!

Pic and story references thanks to www.ntnews.com.au

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Categories: entertainment, funny, Humor, newspaper, Photography, strippers, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Horny Hogs Terrorizing the Territory !!


If you were to believe the NT news that is ! I must admit where would this blog be without them ? Last week it was spa bathing buffalo , this week its a couch lovin’ pig !

As always when I arrive for work each morning at Hot 100 I collect the morning papers to hand out to all the freebie huntin’ masses of Darwin. I flick through the paper while I wait for the station to call for my location . Today when I got to page 3 I absolutley pissed myself laughing ….

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This furniture lovin’ piggy was spotted yesterday in a suburb of Darwin having sex with an armchair in the middle of the road. Now this sort of thing happens all the time out in the bush , but Darwin is a ‘capital city’ as one witness told the paper ( calling Darwin a city might be going a little far – maybe one day but I’m pretty sure to be a city you need to have shitloads of people living there). Last year the NT news ran a story about Horny Harry , a pet pig living in the community of Gunbalanya , NT who had a loving relationship with wheelie bins and thinks he is a camp dog … Harry’s owner caught the piglet 2 or 3 years ago as a pet for his daughter. He maintains Harry is just an ordinary pig who sometimes knocks over bins . Another resident added in “yeah and then he fucks ’em”. Charming !

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Harry Trotter and his pack of adoring camp dogs PIC : MICHAEL FRANCHI www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: bush, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, radio, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Wildlife Around Here Are Starting To Get A Bit Fancy …..


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Todays front page of the NT News www.ntnews.com.au

The northern Territory is a magical place full of awesome landscapes , beautiful sunsets , golden opportunities and some fucking crazy animals.

The other day , a couple in Howard Springs , just south of Darwin , woke to find a water buffalo roaming around their property. Despite being pretty bloody dangerous , this buff seemed quiet tame and the lady of the house was able to pat the beast .. well until it started headbutting her as what she hoped was a sign of affection ….

After a while they had to head off to work and assumed the Buffalo had left the property by the time they arrived home.

Wrong.

They arrived home that evening to find the Buff had taken a fancy to their spa !

This seems to happen a lot up here , animals thinking that if its good enough for humans then they should get a go too . Earlier this year I wrote a post about a croc who broke into the living room of a Darwin based family and 2 years ago a croc was found in another family’s outdoor spa.

So the moral of the story is be very wary entering your home or your pool if you live in the Territory – you never know what might be lurking in there !

Categories: Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Postcard From Broome


Dear Everyone ,

I have left the Territory ! Not for good , rest easy Ill be back ( yes that’s a threat AND a promise !).

I am currently on a working holiday in Broome , Western Australia which is , according to the brochure in font of me , 2,389 km north of Perth and 1,859 km south west of Darwin NT. I am working at the Roebuck Hotel as a skimpy barmaid 4 hrs a day , 6 days a week and the rest of the time I am shopping , exploring and lying around this place ….

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I have to say the accommodation this venue gives it’s workers makes every other place I have traveled to for work look like prison camps ! We get our own hotel room which is serviced daily and one free restaurant meal a day usually valued around $40. The last time I worked away I was given a room above the pub which in order to go to the toilet I had to walk down two corridors and unlock several doors .. then there was a storm and the roof caved in above my room. The meals were whatever was left at 9pm in the bain maree of the pub next door – usually something nice and cold ;). So needless to say this time round I am in heaven !!

I never did explain to everyone exactly what my blog title is about – well the skimpy style part anyway .. Now seems an appropriate time to do this. I fly to mining towns around Australia and work for two weeks behind the bar of the local pub , usually dressed something like this …

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In some places , every hour a girl will walk around the bar with a jug and collect money then all the skimpys will change into a bikini or lingerie for half an hour while working. I made $5000 in one week doing this ! This particular hotel does not make you do jugs ( pun intended hahaha ) which I like because I hate doing them although the extra money would of been handy. Even without the extra tips I still stand to make $2000 in 2 weeks working bugger all hours so gotta be happy with that !

This Sunday we are being taken on a tour by the locals we have met so I will have more to report on Broome after the weekend. Ill leave you with a few more happy snaps and another apology for being so sporadic with my posts , I am literally all over the place at the moment !!

Cheers ! Kel Xx

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Sun Pictures – An old out door cinema and where I will be tonight after work 😀

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A shady picture of me with a statue of an old school Pearl Diver …

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My co Skimpy and biggest Munroe fan ever the lovely Ruby 🙂

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Checking out some real photography !!

Categories: Aussie pubs, entertainment, fashion, funny, Humor, Photography, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Another Cracker of A Story


 

The Territory news has spent the last 2 days keeping us informed of some very important news. Nothing to do with the Olympics by the way , much more newsworthy stuff than that ..

Maybe instead of trying to explain this amazing , cant-believe-its-not-global news I’ll just show you the front page of today’s paper :

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Yep , this guy is the territory’s latest candidate for a Darwin award.

In his own words 23 yr old Alex Bowden told the NT news ” I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few fire crackers ……. And then I decided to put one in my arse”.

What a bloody great idea ? Why the hell have I never thought of doing this party trick myself …
Anyway he did let the NT news know that there wasn’t any major damage “It didn’t burn my balls or my back , just my fingers and my arse”.
He said he did not bleed and could walk afterwards .. Oh and it was also reported in the article that he didn’t cry but he did say fuck a few times.

Gotta love the NT news. Meanwhile I have no idea what is happening in London apart from the 4 Aussie blokes coming 4th in the relay swimming heat and crying about it. Hey guys , try having a fire cracker shoved up your arse !!

This is your nutty reporter signing off , have an awesome week people xx

Source http://www.ntnews.com.au

 

Categories: Australian, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Bush Tucker ( I warned you all !!! )


After having a mini meltdown over all the freshly pressed recipes (usually involving a non food item such as lavender … ) featuring on Freshly Pressed , I vowed that if I couldn’t beat them I would join them … and true to my word I have created my first Kels Gone Bush , Bush Tucker recipe … Burgers and Chips totally Bush Style 😉

As well as writing it down for you I have kindly included an instructional video on how to cook them when you have consumed half a carton of beer .. Also some of you may have trouble understanding me at times due to the fact I was speaking fluent boganese , however my friend and editor Phil O’brian kindly added sub titles to help you out .. although even he couldn’t understand me at one stage which says a lot !!

Burgers and Chips – Bush Style

You will need – A knife , a chopping board (optional if you don’t mind roughing it) oil and a camp fire with hot plate or a BBQ ( try not to get one of those $1000 BBQ’s that have a kitchen sink attached – it’s not the same thing !).

Chips

Slice 4 large potatoes , chuck em on the barbie , turn occasionally. When the outside is slightly burnt you know your done.

Burgers

Take 500grams of minced meat preferably beef and mix with one large chopped brown onion. Chuck in a bit of tomato or BBQ sauce ( or whatever is lying around .. watch the chilli sauce though , some people might not like it .. ). Crumb some bread – I did this by smushing it up with my fingers but I found out later its always better to use a blender or food processor – since we don’t have these in the bush , just use your hands. Add an egg to keep it all sticking together and mix well. You are now ready to fry them on the barbie.

Shape the meat into small patty’s and place on barbie next to chips. Flip a few times. You are now done.

Serve with bread and whatever salads have not been destroyed by the heat.

Categories: Australian, boat, bush, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, random, Travel, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Crazy Pic of The Week


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My friends from WA , Kristy (pictured) and Leah found some of Darwin’s hottest bachelor’s !!!

Sorry I have not been very punctual with the crazy pics – they are supposed to be published weekly and I think I have missed the last 2 weeks all together !! Well I do have my reason’s…

A) In order to write this blog I need to get out there and do shit so I can write about it .. otherwise I may as well just post link’s to a NT tourism site and be done with it ..

B) I am still hard at work getting my event planning bizo up and running ( hard when everyone around you run’s on Territory Time ).

C) I have decided to take a fellow blogger’s advice ( Kathy from Reinventing the Event Horizon) who suggested after a post I wrote that I turn my stories into a book .. which isn’t quite happening yet however I have written 1034 words so far , so , you know , I’m on my way 😉

As well as all this soon I plan to have a Vlog section of my blog which will basically show me , making a dick of myself , in front of the entire world .. lucky for me I’m willing to sacrifice my dignity for my art :p I also haven’t forgotten my promise (threat) to start publishing recipe’s .. this WILL happen as soon as I get my appetite back ( I have been a bit crook over the past few days – the last thing I felt like doing was cooking). So keep an eye out for Croc Kebabs and Roo Burgers coming soon …..

Ok so I probably sound like I’m taking on way too much at once but that’s how I roll .. Life would be too bloody boring otherwise 😀

Categories: Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Ooooh My First Blog Award !!!


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I have been nominated for my first bloggy award , ‘One Lovely Blog ” thanks to Eric from A Very Strange Place .

Apparently I now have to Thank the nominator ( Thanks Erik ! ) , List 7 facts about myself (yay) and nominate 15 other people .. Here I go !

7 Facts About Me

1. I am totally crap at team sports

2 I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 22 … You can get your license at 16 where I grew up ..

3 I have never held a manual license and had no idea how to drive a manual car .. until I drove across Australia in one.

4 When I drove across Australia I had no idea that my drivers license was in fact suspended. So I was driving 4000kms in a car I could barely drive on a suspended license. Cos that’s how I roll 😉

5 I own a dog that will not walk across wet grass ( not sure where I went wrong but I’m thinking I should wait a while before I have real children … )

6 At work I am forced to style my hair , wear makeup and look glam. At home I am ALWAYS in PJ’s. Always.

7 I have never traveled over sea’s (unless you count Tasmania). I am nearly 30 yrs old , this needs to change !

Ok now for my 15 blog nominations. This is hard because obviously I love all the blogs I follow otherwise I wouldn’t follow them ! So if I don’t put your blog here its not because I don’t want to – In fact if you look on the bright side I am saving you from having to list 7 facts about yourself which is surprisingly hard hahaha 😉

So here are 15 Lovely blogs

1 http://loveandaleash.com/  – because any dog lover needs to read this

2 http://sorryiamnotsorry.com/ Bloody good read and some good advice too 😉

3 http://armyofawesomepeople.com/ This crew of awesome (slightly crazy 😉 ) people will brighten up your day with their hilarious post’s

4 http://reinventingtheeventhorizon.wordpress.com/ One of my favorite blogger’s , Kathy is writing her memoir about growing up in an organized crime family. She is also a very talented artist 😉

5 http://viciously-sweet.com/ I love Laurens drawings , always entertaining

6 http://totsymae.com/ A great artist and very entertaining post’s especially the ones where she tells Hollywood’s best where they are going wrong .. 😉

7 http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Founder of the Crazy Chicks Club this blog is a good way to find other crazy ladies and always a good read.

8 http://sipsofjenandtonic.com/ Cant leave out Jen ! Reading her blog is almost as good as a gin and tonic and reading her blog AND drinking gin and tonic , well that’s just bliss 😉 Very funny lady !

9 http://theketchupwar.com/ Teaching Korean kids English makes a very funny blog !

10 http://narcissistsblog.com/ Terri tells it how it is and delivers no bullshit ! Very refreshing to read.

11 http://runningnakedwithscissors.wordpress.com/ The day isn’t the same without Lizzie’s Mid Afternoon mental moments !

12 http://evolvingfordarwin.wordpress.com/ My fellow Territorian if you like my blog then get over to her’s and check it out , like me she has moved here from down south and is now experiencing the Madness that is Darwin !

13 http://currylove.wordpress.com/ A very funny blog about trying to find love without your parents arranging it .. and other funny shit 😉

14 http://theferkel.wordpress.com/ Some great entertainment !!

15 http://talesofacharmcitychick.com/ Arrggghhh how did I miss this one ! Only one of my favorite bloggers – I’m blaming my eyesight ! Always a great read and a really cool chick to top it off

Ok so that’s my list took me so long to do because I had way too many awesome blogs to choose from.

I am now off to the Sunday market’s I hope you all enjoy your weekend xoxoxox

Categories: entertainment, road trips | Tags: , , | 10 Comments

I Have Been MIA – Sorry Guys , Here is My Excuse Note !!


Hello my long-lost fellow blogger’s ! 🙂 I have been a very slack girl in the blogging world lately and feel I owe it to you all (again!) to explain why .

First of all my two mates from WA arrived a week ago and I have been playing tour guide again. We have been to all the hotspots such as Litchfeild National Park and a few pubs on Mitchell street ( can’t remember which ones , the girls were feeding me double vodka’s … ). After a great recommendation by my mate Phil O’brian  Monday and Tuesday saw us soaking up the awesome landscape and serenity on this really cool houseboat

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We floated along the Mary River for 2 days on this bad boy and I know you all wont believe me but I have NEVER seen so many crocodiles IN MY LIFE !! No shit there was one every 20 meters along the bank. The girls made a Kels Gone Bush video for my You tube and blog so I wont go into more detail lets just say you’ll find it quite amusing .. I did kind of take the piss out of the show Swamp People .. and made my first bush tucker recipe for you all to enjoy woo hoo !

As well as all this excitement I have just started my new company and website http://www.instyleeventsandpromotions.com for anyone who wants a gander ….. This has been taking up most of my spare time and if you do check out the site you will see I still have stacks of work to do .. but I’m getting there !

So I hope you will all excuse me for my absence – Dave and the girls fly out Sunday so I will be back in fine form next week to block out the pangs of loneliness I will no doubt experience come Sunday night ! At least I still have my blogging fam to catch up on 😉 I cant wait to sit down and read all of my favorite blogs for 4 hrs solid !!

Before I go I would just like to ask am I the only one that has a thousand awesome ideas a day but absolutely no time to ever pull them off ??? Maybe I should sell them 😉

I’ll be back sooooooon !

Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, road trips, Travel, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

2 Girls and a Bundy Bear Go Bush !!!


Yesterday was awesome. First of all we went to one of my favorite places – the Buely Rockhole , Litchfeild National Park. Secondly I went with some cool people – my boyfriend Dave and my flatmate Jodie. And the best bit – we took shitloads of vodka and rum – always makes every occasion more enjoyable !!

So I can’t tell you much about the day except at one point we decided to impersonate Swedish backpackers and posed topless with a funny road sign (I’m pretty sure  I also tried to use it as a stripper pole) – a set of pics I’m definitely NOT showing you guys !

Here are some PG rated pics 😉

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Attempting to cross a waterfall after a few vodka lime and soda’s .. looks like Dave is coming to my rescue .. and yes , I nearly fell in

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Nah its all good Dave , I can do it alone …

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Oh alright then I will let you help me …. oh by the way that is not coffee in that cup – I’m guessing a lot of by standers would have been wondering why A) my coffee seems to be lasting so long and B) Why , with every sip , I seem to giggle more .. To be honest the reason I was using a coffee cup instead of a normal one was because I needed something with a lid to stop me spilling my vodka everywhere which is standard practice for drunk-Kel 😉

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The water was crystal clear ..

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The view from our VIP section – we climbed the fence to get our own private rockpool. If anyone came too close we just scared them away with our craziness – plus Dave resembles that big bloke from Harry Potter so just seeing him alone is enough for people to keep their distance.

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The only picture taken with this sign suitable for my blog .. or any social media site actually ..

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Goodbye Litchfeild , we’ll be back soon !!!

Categories: Australian, bush, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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