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Posts Tagged With: Northern Territory News

Despite The Name , Sometimes The Bush Really Pisses Me Off


There are so many things I have to write about at the moment. As the end of ‘wet season’ comes to an end ( what a joke , I think it rained 5 times ?! ) the crocs up here in the topend are moving around more and can be found just about anywhere you turn. So there have been ‘ croc attacks’ ( one guy got bitten on the head apparently , but still survived to tell the NT news all about it another guy appeared on the front page last week after he was ‘attacked’ by a croc which was all of 1 meter long ..  ) and  heaps of croc sightings . But I have been too busy dealing with my own life threatening situations to think up witty blog posts to go with the above news stories.

It all started with this:

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Now we don’t normally go around shooting snakes , but this bugger was headed for Chaos’s bed and the outside loo so he had to go . Luckily for us Maisy is more switched on than Chaos and went banana’s when she saw the snake. Chaos just kept snorin’ away in ignorant bliss …..

Unfortunately Maisy wasn’t so bright a few nights later when what I thought was a bikini string came to life on my kitchen floor

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I had just put Marli down and walked into the kitchen on my way to the toilet. I noticed a shiny looking string on the tiles and thought it had come out of a dress or bikini top. But something made me stop when I went to pick it up. So I stood on the other side of the kitchen and threw random crap from the kitchen bench at it until it jumped and started slithering towards me with its head raised looking a tad bit pissed off ….. This is the point when I realized just because I live in the bush doesn’t mean I am any good at dealing with situations that involve venomous animals. So I ran outside in my knickers and called Dave who was never going to be able to help because he was on the other side of the country at a wedding. So I yelled at him for 5 minutes , hung up , called a girlfriend who had just finished a massive Sunday session and could not legally drive anywhere. Out of options I called the pub up the road and luckily for me the barmaid felt sorry for me and sent her boyfriend over to get rid of the snake ( which turned out to be called a Bandy Bandy ).

The boyfriend tried to remove the snake without killing it but by this stage it was well and truly pissed off and ended up getting decapitated.

Not even two weeks later my mother flew up to help out with Marli and after a shopping trip we were walking across the lawn when I noticed the stick I was about to step on had eyes …. My Mum was so brave , she grabbed a crow bar and smacked it over the back but we’re not sure if she killed it or not because it freaked out and headed for the garden bed … I haven’t seen it since …..

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Categories: animals, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Love Story – Bush Style


24 months ago A bloke from Arnhem Land met a lass from the Gold Coast. After 2 weeks she flew home packed her bags and moved to one of the most remote parts of the world ( East Arnhem Land , NT Australia ). The young lass lasted about 3 months in this environment before realizing that she loves the bush – but she also loves shops , sealed roads and facilities such as the gym … and the pub. So they compromised. She would go to Darwin and go back to working as a ‘skimpy barmaid’ ( my favorite job in the world by the way – $60 an hr to do sweet F/A !) and he kept making roads in the bush. The result ? 12 months after they first hooked up they were the Northern Territory’s star couple. Last Valentines day they found themselves on the cover of Signature Living due to their ‘unique’ relationship ( the way they live is pretty much standard in mining and building industries so I’m not sure what was so ‘unique’ about it … )

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So it seems this time of year has a special meaning for us – we got together about 10 days after Valentines Day 2011 , we were made ‘ famous’ in February 2012 and now , this year we are expecting a baby any day now ( in fact the baby almost made an early entrance last week but that my friends is a story for another time ! )

I’m not with my big scruffy boy from the bush today but he has already given me the best present I could ever ask for – a family of my own 🙂

 

Categories: Arnhem Land, Australian, bush, entertainment, lifestyle, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Pool Party Is Not Complete Without a Saltie …….


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In true Territory style , the under 12 Litchfeild Bears Rugby team celebrated the fact they have made it to the semi finals this year with a pool party – and among the guests was a 11-year-old 2 meter long saltwater croc called Snappy.  The kids had the time of their lives swimming with a real live croc who had his snout safely shut with rubber bands . Poor Snappy tried to hide in the deep end ( he must love under 12 rugby teams about as much as I do ..) but the kids were not going to let him get away easily , diving down and pushing the pissed off croc back up to the surface . According to one of the parents , the kids “loved it , everyone had big smiles on”…. well except Snappy who probably would have been smiling if those rubber bands slipped off his snout !!

 

Pic and info : http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, News, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Horny Hogs Terrorizing the Territory !!


If you were to believe the NT news that is ! I must admit where would this blog be without them ? Last week it was spa bathing buffalo , this week its a couch lovin’ pig !

As always when I arrive for work each morning at Hot 100 I collect the morning papers to hand out to all the freebie huntin’ masses of Darwin. I flick through the paper while I wait for the station to call for my location . Today when I got to page 3 I absolutley pissed myself laughing ….

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This furniture lovin’ piggy was spotted yesterday in a suburb of Darwin having sex with an armchair in the middle of the road. Now this sort of thing happens all the time out in the bush , but Darwin is a ‘capital city’ as one witness told the paper ( calling Darwin a city might be going a little far – maybe one day but I’m pretty sure to be a city you need to have shitloads of people living there). Last year the NT news ran a story about Horny Harry , a pet pig living in the community of Gunbalanya , NT who had a loving relationship with wheelie bins and thinks he is a camp dog … Harry’s owner caught the piglet 2 or 3 years ago as a pet for his daughter. He maintains Harry is just an ordinary pig who sometimes knocks over bins . Another resident added in “yeah and then he fucks ’em”. Charming !

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Harry Trotter and his pack of adoring camp dogs PIC : MICHAEL FRANCHI www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: bush, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, radio, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Wildlife Around Here Are Starting To Get A Bit Fancy …..


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Todays front page of the NT News www.ntnews.com.au

The northern Territory is a magical place full of awesome landscapes , beautiful sunsets , golden opportunities and some fucking crazy animals.

The other day , a couple in Howard Springs , just south of Darwin , woke to find a water buffalo roaming around their property. Despite being pretty bloody dangerous , this buff seemed quiet tame and the lady of the house was able to pat the beast .. well until it started headbutting her as what she hoped was a sign of affection ….

After a while they had to head off to work and assumed the Buffalo had left the property by the time they arrived home.

Wrong.

They arrived home that evening to find the Buff had taken a fancy to their spa !

This seems to happen a lot up here , animals thinking that if its good enough for humans then they should get a go too . Earlier this year I wrote a post about a croc who broke into the living room of a Darwin based family and 2 years ago a croc was found in another family’s outdoor spa.

So the moral of the story is be very wary entering your home or your pool if you live in the Territory – you never know what might be lurking in there !

Categories: Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Another Cracker of A Story


 

The Territory news has spent the last 2 days keeping us informed of some very important news. Nothing to do with the Olympics by the way , much more newsworthy stuff than that ..

Maybe instead of trying to explain this amazing , cant-believe-its-not-global news I’ll just show you the front page of today’s paper :

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Yep , this guy is the territory’s latest candidate for a Darwin award.

In his own words 23 yr old Alex Bowden told the NT news ” I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few fire crackers ……. And then I decided to put one in my arse”.

What a bloody great idea ? Why the hell have I never thought of doing this party trick myself …
Anyway he did let the NT news know that there wasn’t any major damage “It didn’t burn my balls or my back , just my fingers and my arse”.
He said he did not bleed and could walk afterwards .. Oh and it was also reported in the article that he didn’t cry but he did say fuck a few times.

Gotta love the NT news. Meanwhile I have no idea what is happening in London apart from the 4 Aussie blokes coming 4th in the relay swimming heat and crying about it. Hey guys , try having a fire cracker shoved up your arse !!

This is your nutty reporter signing off , have an awesome week people xx

Source http://www.ntnews.com.au

 

Categories: Australian, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

The Daly River Swimming Club


I was supposed to update you guys about my Adelaide River cruise but that will have to wait till tomorrow as this story is gold 😉

A week or so ago 2 men found themselves in a very undesirable situation. They were fishing in the Daly River , NT not far from Darwin when the little fishing boat they were in capsized. They were stuck clinging on to the boat which they could not flip back over for 20 minutes before being rescued. Not such a bad situation except for the fact the Daly is home to some bloody big crocs .

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Croc caught in the Daly river late last year , pic NTnew.com.au

In fact at first these blokes were under the impression that the boat capsized due to hitting a log .. well it turns out that log may of  been a 3.5 meter Salt water croc who after the incident was found badly injured further up the river. It was shot by the police ( yay a win for us ! these crocs have been taking local pets lately , I want them gone !!).

After being rescued by local fisho’s the two men were awarded lifetime member ships to the Daly River Swimming Club – the only club in the world no one actually wants to be a part of !!

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Keith Hollingworth and John Hotchkis – pic http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: Australian, boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

They Probably Should of Checked the Pubs First …..


An old bloke by the name of Douglas Pyne went missing early Saturday morning , leaving the caravan park he lived in Howard Springs ( about 40 km from Darwin ) and announcing to everyone around that he was planning to walk to Palmerston. This is where I must add this old guy is actually 95 yrs old , Palmerston is a fair hike from Howard springs , and its between 25 and 30 degrees Celsius with no shade in that area … so this did concern locals who reported him missing … I’m not sure why , he had just told them where he was going …. but anyway after a day long search he turned up at the Wisdom bar and nightclub which is right in the heart of Darwin ( he obviously was very ambitious or someone has given him a lift as he well and truly bypassed Palmerston !). Another patron spotted him having a beer with his walking frame parked safely next to him and alerted police that he was safe and well. Cant a man go for a beer in peace ???? !!

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Source http://www.ntnews.com.au

 

Categories: Aussie pubs, Australian, cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, Only in the Territory, random, road trips, Travel, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Crazy Pic of The Week


pic: http://www.ntnews.com.au

This week’s Crazy Pic was taken on Bagot rd just out of Darwin City in 2008 by Camden Smith. Today it was reported another guy was riding his scooter down the very same rd yesterday in … yep you guessed it , a Mankini ;D

Here is the article to go with this pic , provided by the NT News website , enjoy !

 

A MAN caused a stir on Top End streets yesterday by cruising around on a motorised scooter wearing just a mankini.

The red-headed, tattooed man stopped traffic and turned the heads of many Saturday morning shoppers.

He was wearing a slimming black mankini, shoes and a helmet.

NEWSBREAKER Camden Smith captured this photo of the irreverent motorcyclist at 9.45am yesterday.

Mr Smith was driving along Bagot Rd and came up alongside the man at lights.

“The closer you got, the more it became obvious that he was in the buff,” he said. “His buttocks were hanging over his pocket rocket.”

A 28-year-old Darwin fashion identity, who asked not to be named, saw the man just minutes later in the centre of Darwin.

“He was motoring gleefully through the crowded CBD streets, stopping onlookers in their tracks, with so much flesh on show,” she said.

“He really looked like he was enjoying himself,” the eyewitness said.

“I thought he must have been wearing his mankini to feel comfortable in our hot, wet conditions.

“Luckily he was wearing a bumbag that protected some of his modesty.”

The motorcyclist is not the first brave Territorian to slip into the revealing one-piece made famous by Sacha Baron Cohen’s character Borat.

“Mr Mankini” famously streaked across TIO stadium at the AFL Bulldogs and Fremantle clash in June 2007.

The man, sporting a fetching blue mankini, had the 11,000 strong crowd hooting and screaming as he outran security. The crowd leapt to his defence when he cleared the fence, some by throwing him clothes, others by pinning security guards to the fence so he could escape.

Categories: Australian, bush, Darwin, entertainment, funny, humour, Only in the Territory, road trips, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Pilot Texting whilst Flying, The Living Dead , A Rap Star That Cant Take the Heat and A Really Good Mate ….


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Well today’s copy of the NT news was a bloody good read !

First , we have a story relating to an incident that happened 2 years ago on a Darwin to Singapore Jet star flight . Apparently the First Officer tried to get his Captains attention twice to go through the landing checklist and getting no response he looked over to see his Captain texting away on his mobile phone.

The Captain tried to get out of this by saying that he was turning his phone off .. Yep sure buddy , we believe you …. Anyway as Captain Dickhead was so busy  “turning off”   his phone he neglected to lower the landing gear which is kinda essential when it comes to landing a plane. Luckily for the oblivious passengers the First Officer was able to call for a second landing attempt and everyone was safe .. phew !

Next up is the news that local actor David Gulpilil is actually NOT dead . The organizers of Australian TV Week Logie Awards included David in the In Memorial segment of the awards. No guys , David is not dead at all , in fact he is safe and sound in the Berrimah Correction Center after being sentenced to 5 months prison for breaking his wife’s arm. Before David ran into trouble with the law he starred in some awesome Aussie films such as Crocodile Dundee , Australia (with Nicole Kidman ) and Rabbit Proof Fence. He is another case of someone very talented being taken over by alcohol. Hopefully he gets his shit together this time 🙂

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David in 1985 chillin on Bondi beach pic: aasd.com.au

Another famous face was also in the paper today ,  American rap star Ice Cube came to Darwin this week performing for 880 concert goers on Tuesday night. Yep that’s right 880 – pretty crappy turnout if you ask me ! And the concert promoters must agree as they needed at least 3000 people to attend to break even.

Woops

Although bugger all people turned up Ice Cube didn’t seem to mind ( hey he gets his fee whether they show up or not ) and the big fella reckons he ll be back.

I don’t know , from the look of him in this pic I don’t think he can handle the heat … 😉

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The Ice Cube is starting to melt ….. Pic: http://www.ntnews.com.au

And the story that tops it all off ..

2 mates on their way from Tennant Creek to Darwin decided to make the trip a bit more interesting by stealing some grog while they stopped in at the Wayside Inn , Hayes Creek . They continued on their merry way drinking , driving , endangering innocent road users .. they somehow made it safely to Darwin .. well that is until they hit the suburb of Parap where the trouble started.

It turns out the passenger in the car decided it was a good time to confess to the driver of the car that he had been shagging his missus . The driver punched his mate in the head who retaliated by grabbing a metal steering lock and striking back. The passenger then jumped out of the car and ran away climbing over a 2 meter cyclone proof fence. The driver took off but after driving 50 meters up the road changed his mind , turned his car around and sped towards the fence knocking it down in the process. Driving over the fence he continued to speed towards his so-called mate , trying to run him over. Somehow (probably due to the excessive amounts of grog in his system ) he failed to hit his ‘friend’. He has been charged with recklessly endangering his mates life . His parents must be so proud.

Thank you to http://www.ntnews.com.au and http://www.news.com.au for the references 😉 x

Categories: Aussie pubs, bush, cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, humour, Only in the Territory, road trips, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

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