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Posts Tagged With: only in the territory

Despite The Name , Sometimes The Bush Really Pisses Me Off


There are so many things I have to write about at the moment. As the end of ‘wet season’ comes to an end ( what a joke , I think it rained 5 times ?! ) the crocs up here in the topend are moving around more and can be found just about anywhere you turn. So there have been ‘ croc attacks’ ( one guy got bitten on the head apparently , but still survived to tell the NT news all about it another guy appeared on the front page last week after he was ‘attacked’ by a croc which was all of 1 meter long ..  ) and  heaps of croc sightings . But I have been too busy dealing with my own life threatening situations to think up witty blog posts to go with the above news stories.

It all started with this:

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Now we don’t normally go around shooting snakes , but this bugger was headed for Chaos’s bed and the outside loo so he had to go . Luckily for us Maisy is more switched on than Chaos and went banana’s when she saw the snake. Chaos just kept snorin’ away in ignorant bliss …..

Unfortunately Maisy wasn’t so bright a few nights later when what I thought was a bikini string came to life on my kitchen floor

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I had just put Marli down and walked into the kitchen on my way to the toilet. I noticed a shiny looking string on the tiles and thought it had come out of a dress or bikini top. But something made me stop when I went to pick it up. So I stood on the other side of the kitchen and threw random crap from the kitchen bench at it until it jumped and started slithering towards me with its head raised looking a tad bit pissed off ….. This is the point when I realized just because I live in the bush doesn’t mean I am any good at dealing with situations that involve venomous animals. So I ran outside in my knickers and called Dave who was never going to be able to help because he was on the other side of the country at a wedding. So I yelled at him for 5 minutes , hung up , called a girlfriend who had just finished a massive Sunday session and could not legally drive anywhere. Out of options I called the pub up the road and luckily for me the barmaid felt sorry for me and sent her boyfriend over to get rid of the snake ( which turned out to be called a Bandy Bandy ).

The boyfriend tried to remove the snake without killing it but by this stage it was well and truly pissed off and ended up getting decapitated.

Not even two weeks later my mother flew up to help out with Marli and after a shopping trip we were walking across the lawn when I noticed the stick I was about to step on had eyes …. My Mum was so brave , she grabbed a crow bar and smacked it over the back but we’re not sure if she killed it or not because it freaked out and headed for the garden bed … I haven’t seen it since …..

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Categories: animals, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Top Headlines So Far For 2013 ….


 

Since , as I explained in my last post , I am officially brain-dead due to pregnancy and extreme heat I have decided to entertain you all with my favorite headlines from the Northern Territory so far this year ….

First up , when watermelons can be dangerous ……

 

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After arguing with the bus driver over the fare , the man was kicked off the bus but not before he smashed a watermelon over the bus driver’s head in front of his 4 kids who I’m guessing also missed out on the bus ride thanks to their awesome Dad …..

 

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But the next day the bus driver had the last laugh !

 

Also on the subject of using food as weapons , a pensioner who had his parking skills criticized by a truck driver (who according to the NT news had commented “nice park cockhead “) lost the plot and threw his iced coffee at the bloke before laying into him with his fists . The pensioner was charged with assault after he contacted the truckies workplace to complain .. maybe he should have kept his mouth shut because he was the one who ended up in court with a 2 month suspended sentence ….

 

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Maybe all this aggro is due to the extreme heat we have been dealing with for the last 5 months … I will leave you all with this article which justifies my laziness and the general public’s ‘Mango Madness’ …. We are goin’ troppo up here in the tropics !!!!!

 

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I will be back soon with some more crazy Territory shizzle , hopefully we get a Croc story this week its been a while !

Xx Kel

*Articles from http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: cops, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Dinky the Singing Dingo


Thanks to australiantouristpublications.com.au

*pic thanks to australiantouristpublications.com.au

While I was on my road trip from Darwin to Albury a few weeks ago I stopped at many random roadhouses in the middle of the Outback. It was at one of these roadhouses that I met Dinky , Australia’s most talented dingo. Dinky not only can sing , he also plays the piano while belting out his tunes . I was lucky enough to have stopped in Stuart Well NT at the same time as the daily tourist bus so I got to capture this furry superstar on film.  It was one of the more out there experiences I’ve had since I moved to the Territory I must admit ! ( Bloody funny too 😉 )

For more on Dinky , check out this article http://www.australiantraveller.com/alice-springs/the-singing-dingo-alice-springs/

the one thing I must point out is that when the article was written it mentions Dinky is 4 yrs old – he’s a tad bit older than that now so hurry up to Stuart Well and check him out before he gets too old to play the piano !!!!

Categories: animals, Aussie pubs, Australian, bush, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, Only in the Territory, road trips, Travel, Travel, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Horny Hogs Terrorizing the Territory !!


If you were to believe the NT news that is ! I must admit where would this blog be without them ? Last week it was spa bathing buffalo , this week its a couch lovin’ pig !

As always when I arrive for work each morning at Hot 100 I collect the morning papers to hand out to all the freebie huntin’ masses of Darwin. I flick through the paper while I wait for the station to call for my location . Today when I got to page 3 I absolutley pissed myself laughing ….

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This furniture lovin’ piggy was spotted yesterday in a suburb of Darwin having sex with an armchair in the middle of the road. Now this sort of thing happens all the time out in the bush , but Darwin is a ‘capital city’ as one witness told the paper ( calling Darwin a city might be going a little far – maybe one day but I’m pretty sure to be a city you need to have shitloads of people living there). Last year the NT news ran a story about Horny Harry , a pet pig living in the community of Gunbalanya , NT who had a loving relationship with wheelie bins and thinks he is a camp dog … Harry’s owner caught the piglet 2 or 3 years ago as a pet for his daughter. He maintains Harry is just an ordinary pig who sometimes knocks over bins . Another resident added in “yeah and then he fucks ’em”. Charming !

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Harry Trotter and his pack of adoring camp dogs PIC : MICHAEL FRANCHI www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: bush, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, radio, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Another Cracker of A Story


 

The Territory news has spent the last 2 days keeping us informed of some very important news. Nothing to do with the Olympics by the way , much more newsworthy stuff than that ..

Maybe instead of trying to explain this amazing , cant-believe-its-not-global news I’ll just show you the front page of today’s paper :

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Yep , this guy is the territory’s latest candidate for a Darwin award.

In his own words 23 yr old Alex Bowden told the NT news ” I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few fire crackers ……. And then I decided to put one in my arse”.

What a bloody great idea ? Why the hell have I never thought of doing this party trick myself …
Anyway he did let the NT news know that there wasn’t any major damage “It didn’t burn my balls or my back , just my fingers and my arse”.
He said he did not bleed and could walk afterwards .. Oh and it was also reported in the article that he didn’t cry but he did say fuck a few times.

Gotta love the NT news. Meanwhile I have no idea what is happening in London apart from the 4 Aussie blokes coming 4th in the relay swimming heat and crying about it. Hey guys , try having a fire cracker shoved up your arse !!

This is your nutty reporter signing off , have an awesome week people xx

Source http://www.ntnews.com.au

 

Categories: Australian, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

I Have Been MIA – Sorry Guys , Here is My Excuse Note !!


Hello my long-lost fellow blogger’s ! 🙂 I have been a very slack girl in the blogging world lately and feel I owe it to you all (again!) to explain why .

First of all my two mates from WA arrived a week ago and I have been playing tour guide again. We have been to all the hotspots such as Litchfeild National Park and a few pubs on Mitchell street ( can’t remember which ones , the girls were feeding me double vodka’s … ). After a great recommendation by my mate Phil O’brian  Monday and Tuesday saw us soaking up the awesome landscape and serenity on this really cool houseboat

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We floated along the Mary River for 2 days on this bad boy and I know you all wont believe me but I have NEVER seen so many crocodiles IN MY LIFE !! No shit there was one every 20 meters along the bank. The girls made a Kels Gone Bush video for my You tube and blog so I wont go into more detail lets just say you’ll find it quite amusing .. I did kind of take the piss out of the show Swamp People .. and made my first bush tucker recipe for you all to enjoy woo hoo !

As well as all this excitement I have just started my new company and website http://www.instyleeventsandpromotions.com for anyone who wants a gander ….. This has been taking up most of my spare time and if you do check out the site you will see I still have stacks of work to do .. but I’m getting there !

So I hope you will all excuse me for my absence – Dave and the girls fly out Sunday so I will be back in fine form next week to block out the pangs of loneliness I will no doubt experience come Sunday night ! At least I still have my blogging fam to catch up on 😉 I cant wait to sit down and read all of my favorite blogs for 4 hrs solid !!

Before I go I would just like to ask am I the only one that has a thousand awesome ideas a day but absolutely no time to ever pull them off ??? Maybe I should sell them 😉

I’ll be back sooooooon !

Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, road trips, Travel, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

2 Girls and a Bundy Bear Go Bush !!!


Yesterday was awesome. First of all we went to one of my favorite places – the Buely Rockhole , Litchfeild National Park. Secondly I went with some cool people – my boyfriend Dave and my flatmate Jodie. And the best bit – we took shitloads of vodka and rum – always makes every occasion more enjoyable !!

So I can’t tell you much about the day except at one point we decided to impersonate Swedish backpackers and posed topless with a funny road sign (I’m pretty sure  I also tried to use it as a stripper pole) – a set of pics I’m definitely NOT showing you guys !

Here are some PG rated pics 😉

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Attempting to cross a waterfall after a few vodka lime and soda’s .. looks like Dave is coming to my rescue .. and yes , I nearly fell in

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Nah its all good Dave , I can do it alone …

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Oh alright then I will let you help me …. oh by the way that is not coffee in that cup – I’m guessing a lot of by standers would have been wondering why A) my coffee seems to be lasting so long and B) Why , with every sip , I seem to giggle more .. To be honest the reason I was using a coffee cup instead of a normal one was because I needed something with a lid to stop me spilling my vodka everywhere which is standard practice for drunk-Kel 😉

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The water was crystal clear ..

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The view from our VIP section – we climbed the fence to get our own private rockpool. If anyone came too close we just scared them away with our craziness – plus Dave resembles that big bloke from Harry Potter so just seeing him alone is enough for people to keep their distance.

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The only picture taken with this sign suitable for my blog .. or any social media site actually ..

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Goodbye Litchfeild , we’ll be back soon !!!

Categories: Australian, bush, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Crazy Pic Of The Week


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Even Crocodiles like to have fun like these two crazy kids 😉

Pic Brad Fleet http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: Australian, bush, crocs, entertainment, funny, Humor, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Forget Angry Birds , We Have Fire Birds !!!


 

This is a video clip I took when I was on the Adelaide River Cruise with my brother. As I mentioned in my last post  the Territory is home to a species of birds who like to spread fire by picking up burning twigs and dropping them in another area. Check out the commentary  , these birds really are cheeky little buggers …

 

Video taken by ME 🙂

Categories: Arnhem Land, Australian, birds, bush, entertainment, fire, funny, Only in the Territory, random, Travel, video, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Showing the Bro How its Done Territory Style …


Recently my favorite-only-brother came up to visit me. It was his first Darwin experience so I took it upon myself to be his personal tour guide. First on the agenda was a trip to the Adelaide river where we took a cruise to check out the Jumping Crocs

Todd with his first croc ….

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This one was a bit more active 😉

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Check out the “jumpin croc dance”

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Moving on from crocodiles which to be honest is a relief as they are all I have had to write about lately !!

A few days after the croc cruise we headed off to spend the night at the Bark Hut Inn which is famous for being made pretty much entirely out of bark ( who’d of thunk it ????). It was built in the early days by this old guy called Terry Baldwin and a bunch of local Aboriginal people . Its history revolves around the buffalo industry and it remains pretty much the same today as it was back then which is why I love the place.

The pub also, like a lot of NT pubs, has a little hobby farm where you can find emu’s , snakes , buffalo , and a shitload of ducks. Here are a few pics of our trip to the Bark Hut including our roadside antics …..

On the drive to the pub we had to get through this massive cloud of smoke which was so thick I couldn’t see the road . It was the result of a burn off which is normal here as burning the grass controls bush fires (weird I know). The birds you can see in the pic are cheeky little shits and pick up burning sticks , dropping them somewhere else to start another fire .. so you need to watch those buggers !!!

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It took this pig a while to struggle to her feet but she made it eventually !! This was taken at the Corroboree Pub/Caravan park/Service station/General store …..

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We then decided to show off with the only fish we caught on this trip !! Check out the little girl below us , she ran in to pose with us and changed her mind at the last minute . I have no idea who she is.

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Yay we made it !! Out the front of the Bark Hut

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We are now officially in buffalo territory .. watch out after dark !!!

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The only safe way to drink and drive is to do it in a car with no motor 😉 This is an old buffalo hunting car. I had to kick 2 little kids off to get this pic I hope you guys appreciate my effort !!!

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All my brother wanted to eat was road kill

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This snake was drinking water before I interrupted it – looks pissed off !!

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What every Aussie bar should look like ! I bloody love this place !!!

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Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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