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Posts Tagged With: real life

New Project


Its been a while since I did something completely bat shit crazy , so I thought I’d better get on top of things.

Cant you just be happy with your life as it is and just relax and maybe save some money you ask ?

No. No I can not. Because that would be boring and I don’t do boring. Or sensible.

So , using my amazing decision making skills , I decided to buy a thousand year old clapped out campervan with half a floor which ,at this point, requires a small army to set up . Obviously thats not what I see when I look at it. In my mind the floor is fixed , the hydraulic system is in place and now I’m hanging curtains and sewing cushions like Martha fucking Stewart.

Its not going to be easy but thats where I bring in the ”çrew” which so far consists of my old boss , a self confessed ‘Plumber from Hell’ Tinky ,whose favourite word starts with C ends in T and you apparently cant say it in Canada  .  Thats it so far , but his daughter , who I work with at the Ettamogah pub , has volunteered to supervise  with me. Which is code for lets sit around , drink beer and do fuck all while Dad swears his head off.

Anyway here is what I’m dealing with …

 

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Categories: cars, entertainment, lifestyle, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Despite The Name , Sometimes The Bush Really Pisses Me Off


There are so many things I have to write about at the moment. As the end of ‘wet season’ comes to an end ( what a joke , I think it rained 5 times ?! ) the crocs up here in the topend are moving around more and can be found just about anywhere you turn. So there have been ‘ croc attacks’ ( one guy got bitten on the head apparently , but still survived to tell the NT news all about it another guy appeared on the front page last week after he was ‘attacked’ by a croc which was all of 1 meter long ..  ) and  heaps of croc sightings . But I have been too busy dealing with my own life threatening situations to think up witty blog posts to go with the above news stories.

It all started with this:

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Now we don’t normally go around shooting snakes , but this bugger was headed for Chaos’s bed and the outside loo so he had to go . Luckily for us Maisy is more switched on than Chaos and went banana’s when she saw the snake. Chaos just kept snorin’ away in ignorant bliss …..

Unfortunately Maisy wasn’t so bright a few nights later when what I thought was a bikini string came to life on my kitchen floor

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I had just put Marli down and walked into the kitchen on my way to the toilet. I noticed a shiny looking string on the tiles and thought it had come out of a dress or bikini top. But something made me stop when I went to pick it up. So I stood on the other side of the kitchen and threw random crap from the kitchen bench at it until it jumped and started slithering towards me with its head raised looking a tad bit pissed off ….. This is the point when I realized just because I live in the bush doesn’t mean I am any good at dealing with situations that involve venomous animals. So I ran outside in my knickers and called Dave who was never going to be able to help because he was on the other side of the country at a wedding. So I yelled at him for 5 minutes , hung up , called a girlfriend who had just finished a massive Sunday session and could not legally drive anywhere. Out of options I called the pub up the road and luckily for me the barmaid felt sorry for me and sent her boyfriend over to get rid of the snake ( which turned out to be called a Bandy Bandy ).

The boyfriend tried to remove the snake without killing it but by this stage it was well and truly pissed off and ended up getting decapitated.

Not even two weeks later my mother flew up to help out with Marli and after a shopping trip we were walking across the lawn when I noticed the stick I was about to step on had eyes …. My Mum was so brave , she grabbed a crow bar and smacked it over the back but we’re not sure if she killed it or not because it freaked out and headed for the garden bed … I haven’t seen it since …..

Categories: animals, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, humour, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Introducing The Gumnut Kid !!!!!


Introducing The Gumnut Kid !!!!!.

My little girl has finally arrived !!!

 

Categories: entertainment | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Up The Stick In The Sticks …….. Pregnancy Bush Style


 

Hi Guys ! I have spent the last few days moving ….. to my dream house !! For those of you who have just started reading my blog , or may not remember I wrote a post in May about a house belonging to a mate of Dave’s which I fell in love with ( the house , not Dave’s mate !). I have reblogged the post so you can check out my new digs which actually is just out of Berry Springs , not Batchelor although Batchelor is just up the road 😉
The house is on 50 acres so I can be as loud as I like ! And I may as well make my second announcement now , we have lots of room for our new additions to play !! That s right , Dave and I are expecting our first rugrat ! And to keep Chaos happy we are also getting a puppy which Im thinking about naming Mayhem …. So the house will very soon become a bit of a circus but I couldn’t be happier with the way things have turned out although whoever said being pregnant is fun is an IDIOT – Or has not been pregnant in the Darwin September heat !

 

Kels Gone Bush

Last week my I went out to a small town called Batchelor which is near Litchfeild National Park  about 50km from Darwin. It is also near a town called Rum Jungle where my partner Dave reckon s he should live.

I love going out to Batchelor because it means I get to visit one of my favorite houses which belongs to a mate of Dave’s. The house was originally just a wooden frame with a tin roof and a few rocks here and there posing as walls . Since Dave’s mate bought it he has gathered more rocks and built the rest of the walls , cementing them in to give the place a cave like effect. Its awesome , I hope one day we can build something similar. Then again I change my mind every time I see a new house I like .. I guess I’m going…

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Categories: Australian, bush, entertainment, lifestyle, Photography | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Pool Party Is Not Complete Without a Saltie …….


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In true Territory style , the under 12 Litchfeild Bears Rugby team celebrated the fact they have made it to the semi finals this year with a pool party – and among the guests was a 11-year-old 2 meter long saltwater croc called Snappy.  The kids had the time of their lives swimming with a real live croc who had his snout safely shut with rubber bands . Poor Snappy tried to hide in the deep end ( he must love under 12 rugby teams about as much as I do ..) but the kids were not going to let him get away easily , diving down and pushing the pissed off croc back up to the surface . According to one of the parents , the kids “loved it , everyone had big smiles on”…. well except Snappy who probably would have been smiling if those rubber bands slipped off his snout !!

 

Pic and info : http://www.ntnews.com.au

Categories: crocs, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, News, Only in the Territory, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Postcard From Broome


Dear Everyone ,

I have left the Territory ! Not for good , rest easy Ill be back ( yes that’s a threat AND a promise !).

I am currently on a working holiday in Broome , Western Australia which is , according to the brochure in font of me , 2,389 km north of Perth and 1,859 km south west of Darwin NT. I am working at the Roebuck Hotel as a skimpy barmaid 4 hrs a day , 6 days a week and the rest of the time I am shopping , exploring and lying around this place ….

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I have to say the accommodation this venue gives it’s workers makes every other place I have traveled to for work look like prison camps ! We get our own hotel room which is serviced daily and one free restaurant meal a day usually valued around $40. The last time I worked away I was given a room above the pub which in order to go to the toilet I had to walk down two corridors and unlock several doors .. then there was a storm and the roof caved in above my room. The meals were whatever was left at 9pm in the bain maree of the pub next door – usually something nice and cold ;). So needless to say this time round I am in heaven !!

I never did explain to everyone exactly what my blog title is about – well the skimpy style part anyway .. Now seems an appropriate time to do this. I fly to mining towns around Australia and work for two weeks behind the bar of the local pub , usually dressed something like this …

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In some places , every hour a girl will walk around the bar with a jug and collect money then all the skimpys will change into a bikini or lingerie for half an hour while working. I made $5000 in one week doing this ! This particular hotel does not make you do jugs ( pun intended hahaha ) which I like because I hate doing them although the extra money would of been handy. Even without the extra tips I still stand to make $2000 in 2 weeks working bugger all hours so gotta be happy with that !

This Sunday we are being taken on a tour by the locals we have met so I will have more to report on Broome after the weekend. Ill leave you with a few more happy snaps and another apology for being so sporadic with my posts , I am literally all over the place at the moment !!

Cheers ! Kel Xx

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Sun Pictures – An old out door cinema and where I will be tonight after work 😀

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A shady picture of me with a statue of an old school Pearl Diver …

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My co Skimpy and biggest Munroe fan ever the lovely Ruby 🙂

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Checking out some real photography !!

Categories: Aussie pubs, entertainment, fashion, funny, Humor, Photography, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Another Cracker of A Story


 

The Territory news has spent the last 2 days keeping us informed of some very important news. Nothing to do with the Olympics by the way , much more newsworthy stuff than that ..

Maybe instead of trying to explain this amazing , cant-believe-its-not-global news I’ll just show you the front page of today’s paper :

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Yep , this guy is the territory’s latest candidate for a Darwin award.

In his own words 23 yr old Alex Bowden told the NT news ” I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few fire crackers ……. And then I decided to put one in my arse”.

What a bloody great idea ? Why the hell have I never thought of doing this party trick myself …
Anyway he did let the NT news know that there wasn’t any major damage “It didn’t burn my balls or my back , just my fingers and my arse”.
He said he did not bleed and could walk afterwards .. Oh and it was also reported in the article that he didn’t cry but he did say fuck a few times.

Gotta love the NT news. Meanwhile I have no idea what is happening in London apart from the 4 Aussie blokes coming 4th in the relay swimming heat and crying about it. Hey guys , try having a fire cracker shoved up your arse !!

This is your nutty reporter signing off , have an awesome week people xx

Source http://www.ntnews.com.au

 

Categories: Australian, Darwin, entertainment, funny, Humor, News, newspaper, Only in the Territory, Photography, WTF | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

I Have Been MIA – Sorry Guys , Here is My Excuse Note !!


Hello my long-lost fellow blogger’s ! 🙂 I have been a very slack girl in the blogging world lately and feel I owe it to you all (again!) to explain why .

First of all my two mates from WA arrived a week ago and I have been playing tour guide again. We have been to all the hotspots such as Litchfeild National Park and a few pubs on Mitchell street ( can’t remember which ones , the girls were feeding me double vodka’s … ). After a great recommendation by my mate Phil O’brian  Monday and Tuesday saw us soaking up the awesome landscape and serenity on this really cool houseboat

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We floated along the Mary River for 2 days on this bad boy and I know you all wont believe me but I have NEVER seen so many crocodiles IN MY LIFE !! No shit there was one every 20 meters along the bank. The girls made a Kels Gone Bush video for my You tube and blog so I wont go into more detail lets just say you’ll find it quite amusing .. I did kind of take the piss out of the show Swamp People .. and made my first bush tucker recipe for you all to enjoy woo hoo !

As well as all this excitement I have just started my new company and website http://www.instyleeventsandpromotions.com for anyone who wants a gander ….. This has been taking up most of my spare time and if you do check out the site you will see I still have stacks of work to do .. but I’m getting there !

So I hope you will all excuse me for my absence – Dave and the girls fly out Sunday so I will be back in fine form next week to block out the pangs of loneliness I will no doubt experience come Sunday night ! At least I still have my blogging fam to catch up on 😉 I cant wait to sit down and read all of my favorite blogs for 4 hrs solid !!

Before I go I would just like to ask am I the only one that has a thousand awesome ideas a day but absolutely no time to ever pull them off ??? Maybe I should sell them 😉

I’ll be back sooooooon !

Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, boat, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, road trips, Travel, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

2 Girls and a Bundy Bear Go Bush !!!


Yesterday was awesome. First of all we went to one of my favorite places – the Buely Rockhole , Litchfeild National Park. Secondly I went with some cool people – my boyfriend Dave and my flatmate Jodie. And the best bit – we took shitloads of vodka and rum – always makes every occasion more enjoyable !!

So I can’t tell you much about the day except at one point we decided to impersonate Swedish backpackers and posed topless with a funny road sign (I’m pretty sure  I also tried to use it as a stripper pole) – a set of pics I’m definitely NOT showing you guys !

Here are some PG rated pics 😉

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Attempting to cross a waterfall after a few vodka lime and soda’s .. looks like Dave is coming to my rescue .. and yes , I nearly fell in

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Nah its all good Dave , I can do it alone …

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Oh alright then I will let you help me …. oh by the way that is not coffee in that cup – I’m guessing a lot of by standers would have been wondering why A) my coffee seems to be lasting so long and B) Why , with every sip , I seem to giggle more .. To be honest the reason I was using a coffee cup instead of a normal one was because I needed something with a lid to stop me spilling my vodka everywhere which is standard practice for drunk-Kel 😉

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The water was crystal clear ..

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The view from our VIP section – we climbed the fence to get our own private rockpool. If anyone came too close we just scared them away with our craziness – plus Dave resembles that big bloke from Harry Potter so just seeing him alone is enough for people to keep their distance.

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The only picture taken with this sign suitable for my blog .. or any social media site actually ..

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Goodbye Litchfeild , we’ll be back soon !!!

Categories: Australian, bush, entertainment, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, random, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Showing the Bro How its Done Territory Style …


Recently my favorite-only-brother came up to visit me. It was his first Darwin experience so I took it upon myself to be his personal tour guide. First on the agenda was a trip to the Adelaide river where we took a cruise to check out the Jumping Crocs

Todd with his first croc ….

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This one was a bit more active 😉

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Check out the “jumpin croc dance”

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Moving on from crocodiles which to be honest is a relief as they are all I have had to write about lately !!

A few days after the croc cruise we headed off to spend the night at the Bark Hut Inn which is famous for being made pretty much entirely out of bark ( who’d of thunk it ????). It was built in the early days by this old guy called Terry Baldwin and a bunch of local Aboriginal people . Its history revolves around the buffalo industry and it remains pretty much the same today as it was back then which is why I love the place.

The pub also, like a lot of NT pubs, has a little hobby farm where you can find emu’s , snakes , buffalo , and a shitload of ducks. Here are a few pics of our trip to the Bark Hut including our roadside antics …..

On the drive to the pub we had to get through this massive cloud of smoke which was so thick I couldn’t see the road . It was the result of a burn off which is normal here as burning the grass controls bush fires (weird I know). The birds you can see in the pic are cheeky little shits and pick up burning sticks , dropping them somewhere else to start another fire .. so you need to watch those buggers !!!

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It took this pig a while to struggle to her feet but she made it eventually !! This was taken at the Corroboree Pub/Caravan park/Service station/General store …..

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We then decided to show off with the only fish we caught on this trip !! Check out the little girl below us , she ran in to pose with us and changed her mind at the last minute . I have no idea who she is.

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Yay we made it !! Out the front of the Bark Hut

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We are now officially in buffalo territory .. watch out after dark !!!

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The only safe way to drink and drive is to do it in a car with no motor 😉 This is an old buffalo hunting car. I had to kick 2 little kids off to get this pic I hope you guys appreciate my effort !!!

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All my brother wanted to eat was road kill

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This snake was drinking water before I interrupted it – looks pissed off !!

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What every Aussie bar should look like ! I bloody love this place !!!

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Categories: Arnhem Land, Aussie pubs, Australian, bush, crocs, Darwin, entertainment, fishing, funny, Humor, lifestyle, Only in the Territory, Photography, road trips, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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